“Control the flow of information, and you control everything,” Diana said last week. This week proved her right. Dan, Blair, Ivy, and Nate all struggled to control the narrative, with mixed results. Here are the top five shocking moments from Season 5, Episode 3: “The Jewel Of Denial.”

Credit: Giovanni Rufino©2011 The CW Network, LLC Photo: Ivy Returns to the Upper East Side in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 3: “The Jewel of Denial”

5. Dan. Chuck. Puppy.

Was Chuck (Ed Westwick)’s puppy acquisition as scandalous as blackmail, identity theft, and paternity scandals? No. Are we more interested in talking about it? Yes. Of course we miss Chair, but if we get The Adventures Of Chuck And Monkey in the meantime, we're okay with it. We are slightly concerned about Monkey's fate, though. Has Chuck ever loved anything before that he couldn't snort, swill, or screw? We hope the ASPCA doesn't have to get involved.

4. Noah steals Dan's book

We're slightly disappointed that this turned out to be a trick just to teach Dan (Penn Badgley) a lesson. What, tweedy old guys can't perpetrate self-serving schemes too? Gossip Girl is so ageist.

3. Charlie blackmails Carol

Why did it take her this long to think of this? Carol has more to lose by exposing Ivy (Kaylee DeFer) than Ivy herself. Ivy was just a hired hand. Carol conned her own family. Speaking of Carol — why did she even have to do this? Doesn't she have a trust fund of her own? Apparently what shocks us most about this plotline is how little sense it makes.

2. Chuck cries

We don't think we've seen Chuck shed a tear since his dad died. Of course, losing the love of your life for good will do that to a guy. But cheer up, Chuckles. There's reason to believe Blair (Leighton Meester)'s carrying your Bass-tard after all...

1. Blair hides the paternity results

Why else would B sneak the paternity test into a drawer, unless Chuck was the real baby daddy? Watch out, Monaco. In twenty years, the heir to your throne is going to turn the whole country into a burlesque club.

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