Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW 2011 The CW Network Photo: Blair Waldorf and Prince Louis in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 5: “The Fasting and The Furious”

The scandals in Gossip Girl are never as salacious as they purport to be. Every week without fail, we rile ourselves up in anticipation of deceit and intrigue, and are instead are only left marginally satisfied. It’s a bit like watching a play underwater. You see what’s happening, you hear what’s happening, but the effect is somehow lost. Everything is muted, distorted, billowy, and ineffectual.

The only thing upon which we may now rely is the fashion. It’s there for us, consistently. Steadfastly. Sparkling on-screen like a lighthouse on the horizon. Same goes for the sartorial seahorse cast ashore in Season 5, Episode 5: “The Fasting and the Furious.”

Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW 2011 The CW Network Photo: Chuck Bass at a Dog Park in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 5: “The Fasting and The Furious”

Blair (Leighton Meester) looks as stunning as the sparkling sea in her high-waisted Tracey Reese trousers and floral D&G top. Her paramour Prince Louis was a treasure trove of trendy delights in his Paul Smith shirt, Theory blazer, and AG jeans.

Chuck (Ed Westwick) is deliciously naughty in his nautical blue Brioni suit, while Diana (Elizabeth Hurley) is as saucy as a seasoned skipper in her low-cut Emilio Pucci dress. Charlie, meanwhile, is a pearl of a girl in Paige denim, a Rebecca Taylor sweater, and coral-colored Topshop shirt.

Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW 2011 The CW Network Photo: Prince Louis’ sister, Beatrice, in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 5: “The Fasting and The Furious”

The little French hens channel Ursula — evil and scheming — and wear dark colors to boot. Beatrice stuns in a dress by DVF, and Princess Sophia commands attention in her Helmut Lang blazer and YSL pumps.

Ahoy to the fashion in future episodes! We cast ourselves away to thee.

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