Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW 2011 The CW Network Photo: Diana Payne in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 7: “The Big Sleep No More”

Two months after her debut, we still know shockingly little about Gossip Girl's newest schemer Diana Payne (Elizabeth Hurley). We know she wants to take down Gossip Girl – but why? We know she's got a connection to Bart Bass – but what? We know she's sexing up Nate, but – well, actually, we think we get that part.

Anyway, we've got some theories on Gossip Girl's international woman of mystery. Here they are.

She's Chuck's sister.

It's hard to tell what an appropriate age is in Gossip Girl world to become a parent – Blair's (Leighton Meester) only 20, but that still makes her practically ancient compared to the age when Rufus (Matthew Settle) and Lily (Kelly Rutherford) when had Dan (Penn Badgley) and Serena (Blake Lively).

Bart Bass (Robert John Burke), on the other hand, had white hair, which would have given him ample time to father dozens of kids before Chuck. Is Diana some secret half-sister Bart had socked away in England for some reason?

She's Chuck's real mama.

We did already have one heartbreaking round of mama drama with Chuck, but Diana actually seems like a much better candidate – less wishy-washy, more ruthless. And somehow the fact that she's banging his best friend makes her much more plausible as the woman who birthed Chuck.

She's Ivy's real mama.

Credit: Giovanni Rufino/The CW 2011 The CW Network Photo: Diana Payne in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 5: “The Fasting and The Furious”

Oh no, Diana knows Ivy's (Kaylee DeFer) secret! Now she can do terrible things to her! And so far, those terrible things are basically... mentorship. Ivy's got a job working closely with a prominent NYC publisher, and she hasn't even had to sell out her friends any more than they routinely tip off Gossip Girl about each other. Maybe Lil' Orphan Ivy is being groomed, not blackmailed.

She knows who Gossip Girl is.

Why does Diana want so badly to take Gossip Girl down? GG barely seems aware of her. Could it be that her real vendetta's against whoever is behind Gossip Girl? Please let the answer be yes. We would really like to find out who that is.

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