Episiode Recap

It's been a long two weeks, but Gossip Girl is back! Not one couple makes it out of this episode without some serious threats to coupledom. We'll take a page from Gossip Girl's own medical theme this week as we delve into the health of each love connection.

This week Gossip Girl let its daddy issues out to play. William is here to stay, and he's dividing the Upper East Side into camps: those who support the return of the van der Woodsen patriarch, those waving the Humphrey flag, and those who don't care. Let's look at the lineup.

What time is it? Why, it's Episode 21 o'clock, which means it's time for a big game-changing, side-switching, all-hands-on-deck scheme. No splitting up the recap by plotlines this week, since there's only one, so we'll just center things around the big gala where everything goes down.

Who's the hottest GGer of them all? Representatives from both sexes weigh in on which Gossip Girl character came out on top in Episode 3.22, "First Tango, Then Paris."

HOTTEST GIRL: Jenny Humphrey

Whoa. WHOA. DID THEY JUSTAND THEN HEAND IS GEORGINAAND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE THIS WHOLE RECAP IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

OK. Deep breaths. Tonight was CRAZY AMAZING but we will try to stop hyperventilating long enough to fulfill our solemnly-sworn recapping duties. Let's get into things ASAP, because this is cutting into our schedule of jumping in a circle yelping.

OK. Deep breaths. Tonight...