Gossip Girl

Dear Gossip Girl writers,

Monday night we discovered that Prince Louis was the father of Blair’s baby. Huzzah!

More like: Ha! (Imagine us pointing at you here.)

Do you really expect us to believe that it was His Royal Snooze — and not Chuck — who knocked up Blair? Not after that snatch-and-stash move B made with the paternity test results just before skipping off...

The music from “The Jewel of Denial” began with an upbeat entrez, trumpeting the grand return of Serena and Ivy to their Ivory Tower on the Upper East Side. Then it ended in a mellow, if not slightly somber, tune orchestrated to the rhythm of the tears moving moodily down Chuck Bass’ cheek. Longing to know what those songs were? Want us to play it again, Sam?

Done. You know ...

Lots of Gossip Girl’s fictional happenings actually feature real-world places and faces. Names are dropped so quickly it can be hard to keep track. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here are the whos, whats and wheres you need to know from Season 5, Episode 3: “The Jewel of Denial.”

“Control the flow of information, and you control everything,” Diana said last week. This week proved her right. Dan, Blair, Ivy, and Nate all struggled to control the narrative, with mixed results. Here are the top five shocking moments from Season 5, Episode 3: “The Jewel Of Denial.”

Applause to the Gossip Girl writers: Snappy lines are the main reason we tune in each week, and Season 5, Episode 3’s “The Jewel of Denial” did not disappoint. Keep the Bassness coming!