Recap

Serena (Blake Lively) is laying in her bed doing her best Thought Catalog writer impression while Dorota brings her breakfast. “All you do all day is type, type, type. It not healthy.” Welcome to the future of American children, Dorota. Two words: Google “Tumblr.”

Elizabeth Hurley must have some sort of solids-only clause in her contract, because Diana Payne is...

Good morning, New York! (We’re noticing a theme.) On her way to work in the concrete jungle of a metropolis, Dorota picks up a copy of the latest New York Magazine, with the timely and forever-relevant phrase “SCANDALS!!” emblazoned on the cover. Viewers, meet tonight’s heavy-handed (yet layered!) foreshadowing.

Dan (Penn Badgley) and Blair (Leighton Meester) descend...

Once again, it’s morning on the Upper East Side, and Blair (Leighton Meester) is wearing a floral dress while sipping tea in unison with her house-husband, Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley). More on that later. Serena (Blake Lively), meanwhile, is picking up the scheming slack where Blair left off, typing on her laptop and responding to Gossip Girl emails. Business man Nate (Chace Crawford)...

It’s a brand-new day on the Upper East Side, which means Dorota is strolling into Blair’s (Leighton Meester) bedroom with divorce papers. Blair, looking resplendent, gushes her daydreams about her future with Lonely Boy: “Now we can walk down Madison Avenue hand-in-hand without worrying about Louis changing his mind!” Spoiler alert: It’s not Louis who’s in...

In Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 18, "Con-Heir," Dan (Penn Badgley) and Blair (Leighton Meester) have some pretty meh sex — but then manage to fix the problem by getting drunk and getting it on... in an elevator. Blair Waldorf is pretty much our favorite drunk person on television. Check out the steamy action below. Maybe Dan's hair has a useful function after all?