Everyone have a drink? Then let's get started talking about "Slow Night, So Long," which will go down in the annal of Grey's history as the Bartender Cristina episode. It starts with a montage which can be best summed up by "Hey, isn't it crazy that these doctors begin their day in the evening?" Meredith, Lexie, April, and Jackson are all working the graveyard shift, and they arrive at Seattle Grace Mercy West just as all of the attendings are peacing-out. Most are going out to Joe's for drinks, Teddy is going on a date, and Stark is going to dinner.

Meredith and Alex are on Stark's service that night, meaning they have to monitor a young boy who just had chest-wall surgery. His mother, who annoyingly happens to be a nurse, is concerned because the boy is in a lot of pain when he's not normally a complainer. Meredith calls Stark back in, and he whines about not having to ditch his tiramisu at the restaurant only to come and find that the boy has gas. He leaves again. The mother and Meredith agree that it has to be something more than that, so Meredith arranges a CT scan. But the scan results take hours to be processed, during which time the mother talks to the Chief, who storms into the hospital to expedite things. Finally seeing the scans, Meredith realizes that the boy has a perforated ulcer. She and Alex try to call Stark, but he's unresponsive, so they schedule and start a surgery without him. And they rock it. The next morning, Stark goes ballistic, but the Chief gives them a reassuring smirk behind Stark's back.

Owen, Lexie, and Jackson scramble when two trauma patients are gurneyed in: two teen brothers who tried to outrun a train with their car and failed. The younger one wasn't wearing a seat belt and was thrown from the car. He succumbs to his injuries pretty quickly. The older one needs extensive surgery to get the debris out of his body, but he survives thanks to Jackson stepping up during the operation. Owen notices this and commends Jackson, obviously impressed that the guy who recently walked out of the skills lab could have such a complete turnabout in attitude. But Lexie is concerned about Jackson because she has heard him having nightmares at home. When she confronts him about it, Jackson initially acts indignant, but he insinuates that he lost a sibling in an accident..

Meanwhile, April has to deal with two lovestruck teens who super-glued their arms together to prevent the boy from leaving for Wisconsin with his family. April tries all the tricks up her sleeve to get them unstuck, but in the end, she has to ask for help from a very sauced Bailey. Bailey gives April some advice with superglue and with love in general, and April convinces Bailey not to drunk-dial her ex-boyfiend Ben.

The reason for the attendings' after-work drinks is that Derek won the grant money for his Alzheimer's research. (Yipee!) But his thunder is totally stolen when they all get to Joe's and see Cristina behind the bar. And boy, is she rotten at her new job. She brings the group some lethal blue concoction which she dubs Early Onset Alzheimer's for its memory-erasing effects. Bailey is the only one who likes it, and she drains everyone else's glass. Cristina is also pouring beers with too much foam, offering too many drinks "on the house," and acting skankily with the male customers. Derek asks her if she's having fun, and she says she is. In the end, Joe ends up firing her, though that hardly sends her packing. She stays and parties and lap-dances until Owen comes to get her. The next morning, she's bowing to the porcelain throne as Owen holds her hair back and looks concerned.

Teddy arrives to the party late, having ditched her date. She vows never to Internet-date again because the guy was a real zero. Callie asks her (somewhat pathetically) if Arizona ever mentions her in all the emails Arizona writes to Teddy, but 'tis not the case. Mark tells Callie that she needs sexual palette-cleansing and even points out a woman who seems to be checking Callie out. Callie goes over to talk to the woman, but she's only interested in Callie's hairdresser. (Her hair does look phenomenal.) So she goes to crash at Mark's place. But then they both get up in the middle of the night and start making out. Helluva midnight snack! Anyway, that's the long and the short of it. Let's see how all this drunken debauchery resolves in two weeks.

More Grey's Features You'll Enjoy:
Vote: Is Callie Better With Arizona or Mark?
View Photos From This Episode to Relive the Drams
FYI: No New Ep of Grey's Next Week