We almost abandoned the idea of doing quotes for Grey's Anatomy Season 8, Episode 16: “If Only You Were Lonely” in favor of transcribing the entire Mark Sloan (Eric Dane) and Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) scene in which McSteamy busts out the sexiest (if slightly grammatically awkward) Spanish-speaking skills we've ever heard on a white boy. However, we managed to open our minds and include all the docs. Here are this week's verbal gems from Seattle Grace-Mercy West:
1. Meredith: "I am gonna make the boards my bitch."
Ladies and gentlemen, The Ballad of Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo).
2. Teddy, on her grant pitch: "It's dead. Just like my husband. Who's also dead. There's a theme, here. Are you noticing?"
Ever the beacon of optimism, that Teddy (Kim Raver).
3. Rose Ridge tour guide: "Shall we check out the gymnasium? We just added a piloxing class!"
Adele (Loretta Devine) can't even remember her husband's face, how's she supposed to perform Pilates and box simultaneously? We can't even do that.
4. Mark: "Derek, we're hot doctors with babies. Women are going to stare."
Derek: "I think she's racist."
In this episode Derek thinks everyone is racist, but somehow it's okay for him to suggest that Zola should have a play date with Tucker, who's four years her senior, so she can get in touch with her "roots." Ok. Sure, Derek. (And Mark? Touche.)
5. Derek, after Mark's display of bilingualism with Sophia: "...You know she doesn't speak Spanish."
Mark: "Oh, but she shall. Verdad? Hablas mucho?...See? Bridging the divide."
That's...not how what you're trying to do works.
6. Derek: "How's it going with your better half?"
Mark: "He's uptight. Worried about the boards. Snapping at patients. I'm trying to get him laid."
Derek: "...I was talking about Julia."
Not about the homoerotic undertones? Really?
7. April, upon getting pimped out to Jackson: "This is sexual harassment, you know that, right?
Mark: "I think of it as sexual encouragement."
Of course you do, skeeze.
8. Karev, about a premie success story: "This one? I worked on her myself. She looked like a hamster when she came out. Her dad just called to say she took her first steps."
Is this the man you want nursing your babies back to health? (Answer: Yes, actually. But you can't really tell from the way he talks.)
9. Bailey, addressing Derek's adopted African child paranoia: "She was not staring at you because Daddy is white and his daughter is black. She was staring at you two because Daddy has nice hair — maybe perfect hair — but for whatever reason, his daughter's hair is 31 flavors of wrong. It's hard on the eyes. Look, you are white, but your daughter is black. Do your baby's hair."
We think that's sufficient for the Bailey (Chanda Wilson) rant of the week, don't you?
10. Derek: "Hey, Meredith! Did you know Zola has a kitchen?"
Meredith: "Yes, Derek. I know all about Zola's kitchen."
Okay, we had to Urban Dictionary this one, but aren't white people silly?