Finally, one of the more unsung pageant circuits gets its own show: The Mrs. pageants, designed for married women. We're already obsessed.
Are you ready for a world of Housewives-level drama combined with a ferocious dedication to a very wishy-washy definition of "modesty"? Adult women competing in Toddlers and Tiaras style beauty pageants, while dragging their husbands along for the ride? Enough money poured into haircare to pay off all our student loans? Look no further. Here are six reasons to watch Game of Crowns when the series premieres on July 13.
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1. It's Uncharted Pageant Territory. The child pageant world has been covered to death — not to mention the more traditional Miss pageant circuit. But the Mrs. pageants? This is a whole other level. The pageant career years are the longest-lasting — Game of Crowns cast members range from their late 20s to late 40s — so these women, many of them with a past in other pageant circuits, literally have decades to hone their skills and sharpen their claws. The competition runs deep here.
2. Sabotage. Speaking of claw-sharpening, some very real sabotage is a very major reason to tune in. While sometimes, this just means having cupcakes out every time a fellow contestant comes over, other times it gets a bit more serious.
Our stars reflect on the craziest things they've seen pageant ladies do in Bravo's "When Pageants Get Cray" video: Baby oil dumped in a gown bag — in an environment where gowns regularly cost five figures. Ladies break the heels on other women's shoes so they fall on stage. "There's a lot of mind games in pageants," warns star Lori-Ann Marchese. "Beware."
3. New Vocabulary Words. Remember back in 1995, when Clueless coined the term "Monet" — "From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess"? A "40-footer" is like that. Someone that looks great from 40 feet away, but up close? Ehhhh. (Some of the gals call one contestant this, and it's big drama.)
4. They're All Grown Women. While we, on occasion, enjoy some Toddlers and Tiaras, when mamas are calling the shots on little girls' beauty regimens, sometimes things get really uncomfortable really fast. With the ladies of Game of Crowns, their personality ships have pretty much already sailed, and most of the pressure is coming from one place: Themselves. Well, themselves and the ridiculous standards placed on women in general. And Lori-Ann's husband, because she got into fitness pageants after her husband "grabbed [her] muffin top." But you get the idea.
5. Lynn Diamante. Are you ready for the best Bravo reality villain since the entire cast of Vanderpump Rules? Lynn and her trademark blue hair (TMI: "The carpet now matches the drapes," too, she says) have you covered there. The lawyer and eyewear entrepreneur will stop at nothing to get her way, whether it's lying, crying, making up death threats, or hiring a freaking public investigator. Oh, and she renews her wedding vows with her husband almost every single year, which seems sweet… until she starts recruiting people into her wedding party for the millionth time.
6. Fashion Inspiration. Sure, we can't just all afford a new pair of Louboutins every year, but we can still take some amazing — and often ridiculous — cues from these ladies. Lynn dresses like a Barbie pretty much constantly, right down to hot pink, vinyl, and exaggeratedly large takes on classic accessories, and at one point tries on a straight-up Glinda the Good Witch number. These gals' updo game is unsurpassed. This is a world where even "fitness swimsuits" are covered in sequins, but everything still comes in grown-up sizes.
Game of Crowns premieres Sunday, July 13 at 10:15 p.m. after Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo.