In honor of Jezebel’s recent tongue-in-cheek story, The 11 Biggest Mistakes You Can Make in the Bedroom, we thought we’d create our own list just for moms. If things have been a bit lackluster in your boudoir lately, you could probably use some of these words of advice. We put together four don’ts, and one valuable tip, straight from our mom brain trust:
1. Be Naughty. Don't Be Nasty.
We hate to tell you this, girlfriend, but you have Cheerios in your hair and spit-up on your “lazy day” tee. Call a sitter or strap that kid into his carseat and get to work because you’re going to need to make an effort to at least be clean for your big night of fun. Extra points for shaving your legs and wearing something other than sweatpants -- even if it’s all coming off soon anyway!
2. Don't Give Everyone a Free Show.
If you’re a morning person, set your alarm a little earlier, or if you have some PTO stacked up, use it on a school day and enjoy some “afternoon delight.” Or hey, take it further and head to a cheap motel or even go to a local park on date night -- we know people who’ve done it, so don’t judge. Channel your teen years and sneak around. Who knows? It might be hot!
3. Don’t Be a Snooze, Literally.
Nobody likes to rush through sex, if you’re like most women we know with young kids, you’re in danger of falling asleep the moment your head hits the pillow. Find some time to sneak in a nap (when baby is sleeping perhaps?) or at least grab a double-tall and you’ll feel much more refreshed and ready for action.
4. Don’t Hurt Your Loved One.
It’s difficult to focus on getting down to business with a Lego puncture wound to the foot, so remove the toy swords, sharp puzzle pieces, and other kid paraphernalia from your happy zone -- as well as the kids themselves -- and focus on your (very adult) needs for a while. You and your partner deserve a kid-free environment!
5. Do Embrace Your Inner Anastasia.
Now is not the time to bring up estate planning, the fact that the gutters need cleaning, or the cutest thing junior said at lunch. It’s time to get real with your partner, so shut out the world and focus on each other for the next, what, twenty minutes? You’ll both be glad you did, and as a bonus, you’ll both sleep like babies afterwards!