“I’m Really Good With Condoms”: Greatest Quotes From Secret Life Season 5, Episode 8
A special thing happened during this week's episode of Secret Life of the American Teenager, guys. Ben morphed into his Shakespearean alter ego — we call him Benjamin — and served up all kinds of life lessons in an accent from ye olden days. We'll let the quotes speak for themselves in our roundup of this week's top 10 doozies!
10. Ben shoots down Ethan: "I have no desire whatsoever to be your mentor, or anyone else’s mentor. Good day, sir." Dude spent one too many days at the Ren Fair.
9. Ethan brags about his skills: "I’m really good with condoms." Bananas don't count, Ethan.
8. George comes up with a sex analogy for Amy: "It’s like always having chicken pot pie on Wednesday. Nothing wrong with chicken pot pie." Yes, that's exactly what sex is like.
7. Ben gives the freshman a pep talk: "Mark my words, you will leave here damaged and need therapy for the rest of your lives." Secret Life is the only therapy we need. 6. Leo plans Ben's future: "I’m going to enroll him in the school of life." Katelyn: "I don’t know what that means." Leo: "I don’t either." Neither do we, if we're being honest.
5. Jack blows our minds: "Dr. Zhivago." No explanation — just go with it.
4. George gives Amy a pep talk: "I was thinking you’re the opposite of gay." So...straight? 3. Amy reveals her deep dark secret to Ricky: "I kind of wanted to rush and get married before I woke up gay one morning." Someone help Amy help herself.
2. Ben addresses the masses: "Hear ye, hear ye, all ye freshmen gather round." We can't even begin to describe how nerdy this is.
1. Ricky taps into his inner bad boy: "Sex for me, to begin with, was an expression of anger." That is so something The Fonz would say.