“It Doesn’t Come Up ‘Stripper Pole’ on My Credit Card, Right?” and Other Quotes From Jersey Shore Season 3, Episode 5
Vinny referenced Shakespeare! Deena could barely string a grammatically coherent sentence together! Jersey ShoreSeason 3, Episode 5 was chock full of oratory gems — so put on a clean T-shirt, slap on some baby oil, and check out our personal faves:
10. Snooki: "Jenni is a very strong person. And when I see Jenni crying and breaking down, it breaks my heart, and it makes me want to find Tom, and chop his nuts off." It's nice to see sisterhood bringing out the lady in Snooki.
9. Ron: "Want me to bring her over? I'll bring her over. She'll show you her C-Section." Actually, Ron, most mothers also carry around pictures of their babies.
8. The Situation: "If you guys want me to go downstairs for some make up sex just let me know. Cuz I'm already up." That would have actually sounded sort of sweet, if Mike's big mouth wasn't the whole reason Sammi decked Ron in the first place.
7. Vinny: "Nicole gave me strict instructions: "Do not have sex with my best friend."' So I really don't know what to do at this point." "Hi. My name's Vinny, and I'm a sexaholic."
6. Sammi: "I feel like I, um, owe Ron an extreme apology." Does jumping out of a plane without a parachute classify as an extreme apology?
5. Deena: "I don't even think it looks like Ronnie." The number one tell-tale sign that your date will end up spreading vicious rumors about you: when you inadvertently refer to him as an "it."
4. Vinny: "You're gonna come into my house and try and take her away? What is this, f**king Romeo and Juliet — the Capulets and the f**king whatever?" A literary classic! — right after our other favorite Shakespearean plays, Much Ado About F**king Nothing, and The Merry F**king Wives of Windsor.
3. Ron: "I learned my lesson: if you love someone...care about em...someone..." So...you actually didn't learn anything, is what you're telling us.
2. Snooki: "It doesn't come up "stripper pole" on my credit card, right? My dad will be like, "What the f**k?'" Jeez, lay off, Snooki's dad! — it's not like your daughter was recently arrested for being a huge drunk or anything. Oh, wait...
1. Deena: "My teeth and my mouth is too precious to me to go down that way." Dear Deena: using your teeth might explain why Dean told everyone your dirty little secret. Oh, and why he's walking kind of funny.