Feel free to turn down the volume on your TVs tonight as you settle in for Jerzday, but don't bother adjusting the color, because yes, that trashbag-shaped creature you see before you is, in fact, Angelina. Who, you ask? Exactly. Deena Nicole 1.0 returns to Jersey Shore tonight on Season 5, Episode 8: “Sharp Objects,” and we thought we'd give you a little rundown of her past shenanigans to remind you exactly why the Staten Island Ferry refuses to transport her off the island anymore.
After her first season of prissy diva drama, including refusing to take shifts at the Shore Store because she was overqualified — um, excuse us, guys, she was a bartender back home — and Danny threatening to evict her, she packed her bags and left for home mid-season. For some god-forsaken reason, Angelina was invited to return to Miami Season 2.
She was met with animosity from the girls and weird flirtation from the boys, since she supposedly hooked up with The Situation and Pauly D between seasons, but, ultimately, the boys accepted her as a bunkmate. Of course, immediately after playing Mike and Pauly's wingman and almost winning them over as actual friends, she got trashed, slapped Pauly in the face 142 times, and then proposed. Class act.
Eventually, she made up with the girls because the boys hated her guts after the face slap. She had a brief period of good times, which included dating a guy named Jose who memorably bought her a Fossil watch, even though The Kim Kardashian of Staten Island had refused to put out. While dating him, she brought home another boy from the beach, just for funsies, which prompted Vinny to call her a whore for an entire episode, the conclusion of which was obviously her hate-smushing him. Clearly, this didn't go over too well with Snooki, who, as we all know, has infinite cosmic power over Vincenzo's watermelon. So the two brawled, and eventually, Ange packed her bags and left the house again, never to return. Until tonight.
So what's Trash Bags been up to since Season 2? In a nutshell: wrestling career, getting beaten up by teenager every time she makes a public appearance, getting engaged on the red carpet at Fashion Week, allegedly cheating on her bagillionaire fiance with a fireman from Long Island, getting dumped, getting pregnant, suffering a miscarriage, and then being called a pregnancy faker by none other than Snooki’s creepy ex-boyfriend (and, apparently, Angelina’s ex-boyfriend) Jeff Miranda. So, you know, typical reality starlet trajectory.
We're gonna need a lot of Jagerbombs to get through tonight's episode. Enjoy!
Sources: TMZ, The Daily Mail, The Superficial, TMZ, Huffington Post, RumorFix