Nothing too crazy to report on the Power Rankings front this week. Our ranks do see The Situation fall yet another spot, and there’s a little shuffling among everyone’s least favorite guido couple. Beyond that it’s just the usual suspects committing their usual crimes.
Ranking: 7 (out of 7)
Last Week: 6
Sam, Sam, Sam. Is complaining and starting stupid arguments for no reason really the only way you can get attention? Oh, it is? Okay, then. Sam certainly didn’t do anything to help her standing this week — being completely uninvolved will do that. She lost points in our book for reacting to Ron’s playful comment. We know you want to start some action, Sam, but please don’t do it by arguing with Ronnie again. We can’t take anymore of that. You made us suffer, so now you’re on the bottom of our list this week. In Sammi's eloquent, not at all redundant, words, we're "done. So done."
Ranking: 6 (out of 7)
Last Week: 7
Could Ronnie actually be making a run up the ranks? Probably not. But Ron did earn some points this week to move him up a slot. Most notably was Ron’s comment to Sam: “You look Asian. I like it.” We thought it was lighthearted and playful — she did not. We think Ron came out on top of this pointless argument, though. Ron’s still on the outskirts of M.V.P., but he seems a lot more involved than he used to be. One ill-conceived fistfight could really give him a boost.
The Situation: Laundry
Ranking: 5 (out of 7)
Last Week: 4
What is going on here? The Sitch is losing tons of ground and even more points in our book. Where should we even start? Well, the parking-anywhere thing is a pretty jerk move. And while his journey to get the Escalade back with Vinny was kind of funny, that moment is completely overshadowed by some other ugly behavior. He starts a fight for no good reason at Space with some dude half his size, then, when he can’t calm down, he gets all of his friends kicked out. The Situation’s worst offense, though, was his COMPLETE failure as a wingman to Pauly. We hope he can get his act together for the season finale later this week.
Ranking: 4 (out of 7)
Last Week: 5
Jenni gets to move up a spot mostly because The Situation HAD to be moved down. That’s not to say she wasn’t involved: she was. JWOWW earns some points for thinking up the gang’s Hook-Up Board, which revealed that pretty much everyone in the house has hooked up with each other in some capacity. Wow, what a reveal! Thanks, Jen! With Ryder gone back to New York, we were happy to see Jenni team up with Snooki again this week. It was sweet to see Jenni try to cheer Snooki up: “Want to go tanning?” What a friend.
Pauly D: Tan
Ranking: 3 (out of 7)
Last Week: 3
This week’s episode provided a perfect example of why we love Pauly so much. His “wingman,” The Situation, completely lets him down and Pauly loses any chance of getting it in. Many, if not most, would freak out on The Sitch and cause a big scene. Not Pauly, though. Pauly just shrugs it off and says, “I would never do that.” We know you wouldn’t, Pauly. We know you wouldn’t. That’s why you’re holding down the 3-Spot for another week. Plus, you know, there’s this: “Now look at us. We all know each other’s flaws, we know how to push each other’s buttons, we all know what Snooki’s “cooka” looks like...”
Ranking: 2 (out of 7)
Last Week: 2
Vinny transformed from a lovable, wise-cracking guido to our nation’s next Poet Laureate. Here’s how: ‘If you got the phattest gear, and no one can come into your atmosphere, then you’re a part of T-shirt Time. And you will be, until we yell ‘Cabs are here!’” If that doesn’t embody the spirit of Vinny, we don’t know what does. Vinny earned some more points from us this week thanks to getting all “wifed-up” with Ramona. They’re actually starting to look like a cute couple, even though she’s taller. Maybe if Vin gained a few inches we could slot him into the top spot.
Ranking: 1 (out of 7)
Last Week: 1
Everyone’s homegirl Snooki is holding down the top spot for the second week in a row. What wasn’t she a part of? First she got into a shouting match at Space with some wannabe guidos. You knew Snooks wasn’t gonna stand for that. She also had to say goodbye to her best friend, Ryder. How did she say goodbye? With some shots, of course. What else did you expect from Snooki? The girl was also right in the middle of the infamous “Hook-Up Board” this week. She summariized her involvement thusly: “I’m a whore, hello? I made out with Pauly, made out with Mike, and tried to have sex with Vinny. So, whatever.” You may be a whore, Snooki, but you’re our whore.