This week's guido-fest packed in a duo of sex-crazed twins, a groan-worthy Ron and Sam reunion, and a whole lot of other cray-cray goodness. So don't call the cabs just yet, because we’ve got your top 5 ridiculous moments from Jersey Shore Season 4, Episode 3 right here!
5. A Cartographer's Nightmare
How priceless was it, watching Snooki, Ronnie, and their combined IQ of 23.7, trying to navigate their way to the gym using only a map? And how adorable was it when their early-morning gym trip degenerated into a mid-morning wine-fest? I mean, I'm not casting stones: if I was on an all-expense paid trip to Italy for a month, I'd have my arm intravenously hooked up to a bottle of Prosecco, too. It was just, I don't know, classic Jersey Shore, watching two grown adults attempting (and failing) to read a street map that even a blind, map-phobic child would be able to use.
4. Pass the Erica, Please
OK, so straight up: I don't know what the hell the deal is with those stalker-fest twins, y'all. I mean, does anybody else get the slight impression that MTV actually planted Britney and Erica in Florence just so to give the housemates something (or someone) to do? They're just...always around! Anyway, I'm sure that it has less to do with scripted reality and more to do with two very naive Americans abroad who are milking their fifteen minutes of fame for all its worth, and completely destroying their futures in the process. I mean, the scene where Deena and Vinny passed Erica back and forth like a gravy boat at Thanksgiving dinner? — desperado! Apparently the girls are in Florence studying abroad; well, something tells me that they're going to be the most talked-about girls on campus (and probably not for the right reasons) when school picks up in a few weeks' time.
3. Indecent Proposal
So Sam and Ron met, schmoopy-baby talked, and ultimately decided to resume their unholy union — a relationship that will undoubtedly go down in the annals of time as the worst thing in the history of ever. Sammi entered into their rooftop relationship negotiations saying, "I'm a completely changed person" — blissfully unaware that, had any fiber of her core actually changed, she wouldn't have even entertained the notion of talking with (let alone reuniting with!) the very same man who, in one of his spectacular fits of love-rage, destroyed every single one of her personal belongings. Anyway: best of luck, you two! We're sure you're going to need it.
2. Not Doing Sex
When Deena brought back her English-speaking waiter, Vinny and Pauly gave her one hell of a hard time. Deen fought back, saying, "First of all, I'm not doing sex." Oh, Deena — she's so adorable! She constantly phrases things like she's a brand-new visitor to planet earth; and she's always referring to the act of intimacy as "doing sex" — as if it's like doing homework, or doing the laundry. Anyway, "doing sex" turned out to be the last thing on that waiter's mind. When poor, fool-for-love Deena lay drunkenly conked out in bed, Mr. Waiter quietly slipped out from under her sheets, out the front door, and, most likely, out of her life forever. If it wouldn't have woken her, I'm pretty sure that he would have actually ran screaming out of the apartment, too.
1. Snooki vs. The Situation
So in the great "did they or didn't they smush" debate, who do you believe?! I never thought I would actually utter these words, but I have to agree with Ronnie on this one: I don't believe either of them. First of all, Snooki's hysterical reaction reeked of the old saying "the lady (and in this case, pretend she's a lady, folks) doth protest too much.” It felt less as though she was shocked by the accusation, and more like she was shocked that Mike had betrayed her sexy secret. On the other hand, Mike is, at his best, one of the shadiest MF-er I've ever seen. Everything that comes out of his mouth is either puss from a burst cold sore (gross, but true), or a lie. So, yeah — choosing which side to take in this about as tall as task as asking Deena to pass an English literacy test.