Jersey Shore

We’re back at the shore house! On this week’s episode of Jersey Shore Season 5, Episode 5: “Nothing But Nice” The Situation and Snooki take center stage yet again, and both end up with pretty gross results. Snooki can’t stop peeing and Mike can’t stop thinking someone is out to get him. Who could be after our sweet Situation? Let’s find out!

The Art Of The Shore Shower

Poor Snooki had to deal with a UTI (which stands for Urinary Tract Infection, not Universal Tanning Institute as Snooki thought) this episode, which meant she had to “go” constantly and even had a little accident at the club, right on her thong. Concerned she had an eau de urine, Snooki did what any smart girl would do and sprayed hers cooka with perfume several hundred times, dubbing it the “shore shower.” Whether or not it’s effective, is anyone’s guess. Snooki discreetly threw away the offending thong the next morning before her roommates could catch her, but made sure to double up on her knickers the next time they went to the club.

And in case you’re wondering how Snooki got that UTI, it’s from sex. She told us that. Just make sure her dad, who came for a visit tonight, doesn’t get wind of the source of her mysterious infection.

The Situation Is Full Of Spice And Everything Nice

The housemates couldn’t get over how nice Mike was being to everyone, but Ronnie made the grave mistake of comparing Mike to at terrorist. You just don’t tell dudes they’re acting like they’re in Al Queda, man! That’s not in the bro code. After an afternoon boozing it up at Jenkinson’s, Mike decided to confront everyone in the house about their comments about his nice-ness. He did this with half his junk hanging out of his pants, which is the best way to get anyone to take you seriously. Egged on by Snooki to express his true feelings, Mike rambled on and on about being nice, but thankfully no one paid any attention. In the end, Mike decides Snooki is the real culprit behind his persecution, not any of the dudes.

JWOWW, He’s Just Not That Into You

Poor JWOWW got very little camera time this episode, almost as little time as Sammi. She seems depressed, and who can blame her, stuck in this house again, and with an absentee boyfriend who won’t return her calls. Mike runs into her man Roger on the boardwalk who looks like he’s just chilling and like he definitely has a spare minute in his day to give Jenni a call. Like any good friend, Mike tells Jenni the news, and she is not happy.

Warm Beer Isn’t Just What They Drink In England

Now that Vinny is back, the cast got to spend some quality time together in the house. Instead of cleaning their bedrooms (which is what I desperately want them to do), they played a game called Warm Beer. Sammi seems uncharacteristically excited about it. Who knew a weird frat game would bring out her personality? The end result was once again, Snooki took one for the team, and ended up with a ton of black soot on her face, in the name of “warm beer.” Everyone had a laugh, but Snooki retaliated it with by donning a creepy bunny costume and humping everyone. Classic Snooki!

Bodily Functions Aren’t Storylines

While this episode was a bit more dramatic with Mike running around being persecuted with his wiener flapping in the wind, it still felt sloppy and disorganized. Snooki constantly having to pee didn’t have much steam beyond the initial moment when she peed on herself at the club, but the rest seemed forced. Surely in the Jersey Shore archives, there are other moments of Snooki peeing outside?

Next week’s episode promises to be a doozy with Mike deciding that Snooki is the one behind all the machinations, even giving her boyfriend Jionni LaValle a call to let him in on THE secret. Ronnie is excited, and to be honest, so are we!

Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 10 pm ET/PT on MTV.

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