This week's episode of Jersey Shore Season 5, Episode 9: “The Truth Will Set You Free” finally brought us two plot points MTV couldn't stop teasing us about: the return of Angelina and the culmination of The Situation's “master plan” to get back at Snooki, which ends up going totally and utterly awry.
Sex And The Single Jersey Shore Resident
It was a house divided this week, with the Constantly Sleeping Coupled folks going up against the horny and always single Pauly D, Vinny, Mike and Deena Nicole. This week, the poor single folks were the ones who didn't get laid. First, Mike brings a girl home, puts her in the customary sweat pants, and then she reveals she only wants to cuddle.
Pauly is met with a similar fate when his girl from the club whispers she's on her period, or as Pauly puts it, her “friend” is in town for the month. Pauly and Vinny attempt to take back the Shore house and take the bed out of the smush room so JWOWW can't use it for her one-year anniversary with Roger, but Jenni immediately uncovers the plan and drags the disgusting cesspool of gross they call a bed back in. She decorates it with rose petals, handcuffs, and a mold kit for Roger's penis. Romance is different in New Jersey!
Deena has no luck either and her crush on her hookup Joey comes to a grinding halt after the girls and Ronnie warn her that he's only after one thing. She drunkenly confronts him at Karma, he gives her a traditional dude blow-off answer, and she finally walks away. There's other guidos in the sea, Deena!
Sistradamus Trouble Is Mike's Other Nickname
Both sides of Mike's protein shake fueled personality were on display this week. At the Shore Store, he gave his all to his fake 1-hour-a-week job, running the register as if he were a real retail employee. He ordered breakfast for the house, and sweetly attempted to get a tip from the delivery boy from the rest of the sleeping cast members. When no one had any cash, he gave the dejected delivery dude a protein shake, because that's considered like money in the guido world.
All this goodwill is ruined by Mike's insistence on continuing the plot to ruin Snooki. He finally gets his friend The Unit to come out and meet him at Karma for the big reveal, only to be thwarted by the presence of Jionni's parents at the club. What could Jionni's parents possibly be doing at Karma? They seem genuinely excited to see Snooki, but it's another moment that reeks of producer interference.
Mission: Free Unit
Mike was hoping to out Snooki and destroy her relationship with Jionni and all it got him was having Unit get so hammered at the club he ends up in the drunk tank. (Or maybe this was Unit’s big drug bust and MTV is trying to give it a PG-spin by saying he was only “drunk.”) I never really understood Mike's obsession with having Unit there to give his eyewitness testimony; he easily could have told Jionni what happened without backup.
The episode ends with yet another cliffhanger on this endless plot line that is rather pointless considering we all know the truth: Snooki and Jionni are still together, and are possibly having a baby.
Other than the non-event of an Angelina spotting at Karma, this episode was fun, funny, and the producers finally gave up trying to hide Sammi and Ron's relationship. Let's hope the rest of the rest of the season brings us more of this.
Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET/PT on MTV.
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Maria is a contributing writer at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter @MariaDiaz.