We’ve seen the premiere of Jersey Shore Season 5, and despite taking showers every ten minutes, we still don’t feel clean.
The trash-talking! The quasi-homosexual suggestive removal of jeans within inches of another guy! The rooftop bromance counseling!
There’s almost too much to discuss here, so we decided to give you a few hints and clues about what to expect from each castmate in the January 5th opener.
SamRon: At this point, they’re one character, right? To the delight of many readers, we’re pleased to announce that there is zero SamRon drama. There’s a minor moment of awkward silence when the cast chooses where to room and who with (SamRon bunk with The Situation again, despite Sammi’s pleas in Season 4), but we barely hear from either of them in this episode, and we like it like that.
JWOWW: We learn that JWOWW is super duper horny for Roger. At one point she and Snooki strike smushable poses on their respective beds and discuss how much they want to smush their men. Let’s just say that she doesn’t have to wait too long.
Pauly D: Pauly does exactly what we’d expect (and what we knew he’d do from the previews). He over-tans, burns his face, and yells a bunch. But what we didn’t expect was his surprise smush partner, who’s “lookin’ good” the first night back.
Vinny: Yes, yes, Vinny gets homesick. He misses his family, the comforts of home, and his mama’s warm embraces. What’s cute is watching Ronny and Pauly practice Psych 101 with depressed Vin. Can you guess what their immediate suggestion is?
The Situation: Following Season 4’s non-stop drama, The Situation is on fragile ground with the rest of the house. So who you gonna call when you’re feelin’ lonely? The Unit, of course! The Unit shows up for a sleepover the first night, with one mission only: make Snooki mad.
Snooki: Speaking of our newly skinny friend, Snooki takes one look at the Unit and flips. She makes fun of his name (“Who do you think you are, Uuuuuuunit?”) and his hairdo (“Why would you come here with that curly hair?”), and when he doesn’t stop threatening her with “the truth” about her alleged pre-Season 4 hookup with Mike, she has to be calmed down by her friend, The Situation. Wait, wha? Watch and see for yourself.
Deena Nicole: How could we forget Deena? While the newest housemate doesn’t make much of an impact in the premiere, we saw enough of her in the Season 5 sneak peek to know that she still hasn’t learned her lesson when it comes to wearing underwears. Hey, she’s a Jersey Girl.
Tune in to MTV on Thursday, January 5th at 10pm ET/PT to see it all go down.
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