This week's episode of Jersey Shore packed in mean-spirited mammals and gold-clad OGs, just to name a few crazy events. Here are our favorite moments from Jersey Shore Season 3, Episode 11 (original air date March 10, 2011).
The original OG
The tan. The gaudy gold chains. The shirt unbuttoned down to his navel. Vinny's Uncle Nino was working the OG look so hard, we're starting to think he may very well be the original original guido. Sure, there were other memorable characters at Vinny's family get-together (Cousin Joe comparing Pauly's hair to that of the Bride of Frankenstein? J'amazing!), but we just wanted even more OG goodness from Vinny's uncle. Surely the producers could have spared a little less footage of the 900 craps Jenni's dogs took around the house, and given Uncle Nino a few lines of hilarious dialogue, right?
Mike's annual end-of-season mean streak
Remember back at the end of Season 1, when the gang was in Atlantic City and Mike went all sorts of toxic on Jenni and Snooki (with JWOWW subsequently slugging Sitch in the face)? And remember at the end of the Miami season, when Mike started tossing Snooki around in the clubs, and generally treated women like they belonged in the Staten Island landfill? Well last night marked the third consecutive season where Mike has transformed from a mostly-harmless, sort-of-likable guy, into an all-out a-hole. Letting Jenni's dogs relieve themselves in every available corner of the house wasn't a funny prank — it was revolting, mean-spirited, and kind of cruel to those poor (but annoying) animals (we're pretty sure Fluff isn't a staple in a healthy Pomeranian's diet). And no matter what he says to the contrary, Mike totally stirred the pot with the whole Arvin/text fiasco, igniting what is bound to be the biggest Ron/Sam blow-up yet. Hey, he may be a total d-bag — but on the bright side, at least Mike's consistent.
Kiss it better
On one of the gang's countless nights out at Karma, Snooki picked up a Pauly look-alike named Nick, and decided to bring him home. Half-way back to the house, Snooki drunkenly tripped over thin air and scraped her knee. Without missing a beat, the surprisingly thoughtful Nick scooped up Snooki, carried her back to the beach house, and patched up her knee with some band-aids and a little TLC. And can anyone guess how our Snooks rewarded Nick's selfless chivalry? Not with a thank-you card, or even a second date, but with an all-night smash-a-thon. "I'm pretty pleased with the way Nick took care of me tonight with my knee," she explained, "and for that, he's getting it in." Ten bucks says she never even called him again.
The girls are lovers, not fighters
So in the calm before the latest Ron/Sam storm, the girls decided to bomb the boys with water balloons. One small problem, though: the girls, as it turns out, are completely useless. They haplessly flung balloons in the wrong direction, they mindlessly trapped themselves into corners, and they were were completely overpowered by the boys' precision and skill. We thought that Sammi, with that famous right hook, would make an excellent warrior in hand-to-hand water balloon combat — but as it turns out, the girls didn't stand a chance. We think they officially lost the battle when, one by one, they were tossed, clothes and all, into the hot tub. Better luck next time, ladies!
The birds, the bees, and the mammals
The other week the meatballs desperately wanted to go to Jenk's, and were hilariously sent to NYC by Mike instead. Well this week, we finally got to experience the wonders and joys of this magical, mysterious Jenk's place. As it turns out, Jenk's (short of Jenkinson's Boardwalk) is, despite their arguments to the contrary, an exact clone of Seaside Heights: ocean-front amusement-park rides, overly-tanned guidos, jumbo-sized pitchers of sangria. To use one of Jenni's
poetic disgusting turns of phrase, it was "the same s**t, different toilet." Anyway, the gang were delighted to be in this different toilet, with Deena and Snooki lustfully chasing after troll-faced gorillas. Ron and Sam, meanwhile, headed over to the penguin pavilion at the Jenkinson's Aquarium, where a well-meaning guide asked the crowd of mostly children what kind of animal penguins are. "Mammals!" Sammi shouted over the children, "they're mammals!" And really, there was a certain irony in Sammi, herself unable to fly from her exhaustingly co-dependent relationship, mis-categorizing the world's most famous flightless bird.