Ranking the Boys of Jersey Shore: Who Tops Our List?
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They get in fights, they get smashed, they get in trouble, and they're in our hearts. Why do we love the guys of Jersey Shore? Let us count the ways: The Situation, Vinny, Pauly D, and (sometimes) Ronnie. These dudes bring an essential element of guido machismo and wit to the show, and we want to make sure that their brilliance isn't overlooked. Don’t worry, boys: We have your backs. To that end, we've taken a time out from our regular GTL session to rank these tanned, juiced-up, lovable meatheads based on their hair, abs, and character. Disagree with our take? Go at it in the comments section below.
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Ronnie
Rank: 4
The DL: It just hasn't been Ronnie’s year so far, and we doubt he's going to dig himself out of his current rut. He should never have rekindled things with Sammi at the beginning of the season; it cast a shadow on his normal juicehead behavior. While it's completely fine for a single guido to go out, get drunk, and hook up, it's pretty creepy if he has a live-in girlfriend. On the bright side, he seems to have finally smoothed things out with Sam and quit his shady behavior. But is it too late? Also, where would crazy Ronnie be on this list if he was actually single?
Rank: 4
The DL: It just hasn't been Ronnie’s year so far, and we doubt he's going to dig himself out of his current rut. He should never have rekindled things with Sammi at the beginning of the season; it cast a shadow on his normal juicehead behavior. While it's completely fine for a single guido to go out, get drunk, and hook up, it's pretty creepy if he has a live-in girlfriend. On the bright side, he seems to have finally smoothed things out with Sam and quit his shady behavior. But is it too late? Also, where would crazy Ronnie be on this list if he was actually single?
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DJ Pauly D
Rank: 3
The DL: It physically hurts us to have Pauly D so "low" on our list, because there are countless reasons he should be higher: He's a model bro, he’s always the life of the party, and let's not forget, he is the primary author of the Jersey Shore Dictionary. But maybe that's the problem: He’s too perfect. Pauly's always so in control, and he never lets himself (or his hair) get absolutely wild. We want to see Pauly get out there and make some bad decisions. Why not get drunk and hook up with Snooki? It worked for Vinny! Part of the reason we're suckers for the Jersey Shore bros is their complete lack of self-control in certain situations. Note to Pauly: Do more stupid things — like Vin and The Sitch — and you'll move up our list in no time.
Rank: 3
The DL: It physically hurts us to have Pauly D so "low" on our list, because there are countless reasons he should be higher: He's a model bro, he’s always the life of the party, and let's not forget, he is the primary author of the Jersey Shore Dictionary. But maybe that's the problem: He’s too perfect. Pauly's always so in control, and he never lets himself (or his hair) get absolutely wild. We want to see Pauly get out there and make some bad decisions. Why not get drunk and hook up with Snooki? It worked for Vinny! Part of the reason we're suckers for the Jersey Shore bros is their complete lack of self-control in certain situations. Note to Pauly: Do more stupid things — like Vin and The Sitch — and you'll move up our list in no time.
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Vinny
Rank: 2
The DL: Vin has been a revelation this year. In Season 1 he was the quiet observer with the occasional hilarious comment, but this year he has thrust himself directly into the mix. He’s starting fights, hooking up with roommates, and getting crazy in the clubs. The guy does it all! What's even more impressive is that he hasn't completely abandoned his role as the detached wise-ass of the bunch, as he constantly shoots one-liners and zingers — much to the chagrin of his housemates. He can fully immerse himself in the guido world and still make fun of it. It’s a brilliant strategy, but our sole concern is that he’s a little too grounded and self-deprecating to be a model guido.
Rank: 2
The DL: Vin has been a revelation this year. In Season 1 he was the quiet observer with the occasional hilarious comment, but this year he has thrust himself directly into the mix. He’s starting fights, hooking up with roommates, and getting crazy in the clubs. The guy does it all! What's even more impressive is that he hasn't completely abandoned his role as the detached wise-ass of the bunch, as he constantly shoots one-liners and zingers — much to the chagrin of his housemates. He can fully immerse himself in the guido world and still make fun of it. It’s a brilliant strategy, but our sole concern is that he’s a little too grounded and self-deprecating to be a model guido.
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The Situation
Rank: 1
The DL: Enter The Situation. Seriously, what else needs to be said? The guy does everything we could ever want a guido to do: He hooks up on a nightly basis, he gets in verbal sparring matches with his roomies (looking at you, Angelina), he's a good bro, he flaunts his abs like they're a war medal, and he provides us with top-notch nuggets of Jersey wisdom faster than we can process them. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that he is the Alpha Dawg of the Jersey Shore boys. No matter how well his other bros do, we can't see him vacating this spot on our list unless he does something truly crazy — like get a real job.
Rank: 1
The DL: Enter The Situation. Seriously, what else needs to be said? The guy does everything we could ever want a guido to do: He hooks up on a nightly basis, he gets in verbal sparring matches with his roomies (looking at you, Angelina), he's a good bro, he flaunts his abs like they're a war medal, and he provides us with top-notch nuggets of Jersey wisdom faster than we can process them. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that he is the Alpha Dawg of the Jersey Shore boys. No matter how well his other bros do, we can't see him vacating this spot on our list unless he does something truly crazy — like get a real job.
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