The trouble with reality TV is that your not-so-distant past always comes back to haunt you, as Snooki is now learning the hard way. Remember "Dennis," the guy whose name Snooks could barely say with a straight face back in Episode 2.7, "Sleeping With The Enemy"? And remember their (strangely talkative) hookup? Well, it turns out that the hot Latino who won Snooki's heart (or at least, a night in the smash room) was a taken man.
According to RadarOnline.com, Dennis Figueroa's girlfriend Lachia Damis tuned in last Thursday for her weekly Shore fix, looking, just like the rest of us, for another installment of drunken debauchery and GTL (and MVP, and IFF, and whatever new catchphrase the kids came up with that week.) Imagine her surprise when her on-and-off boyfriend of five years made a cameo in Snookis bed!
"My heart dropped and I was devastated," Damis told the gossip site. "He tried to deny it to me at first, telling me that he was drunk and didn't know she was famous, but that is bullsh*t."
Indeed, Mr. Figueroa tried to patch things over the way any technologically-savvy heartbreaker does: over Facebook. "I'm sorry I was drunk and I was hungry as hell u know that I'm always hungry," he wrote after the episode aired. Sure, blame it on The Situation's leftover chicken parm! Then he went on a texting spree, presumably because Damis was too mad to pick up the phone: "That f*cking Snooki girl f*cked up what we had up...I don't remember Snooki I don't remember that night I'm sorry" and later: "Don't let this f*ck everything up I love you."
Damis isn't buying it — she told RadarOnline that things are over between her and Figueroa. But we think the producers of Jersey Shore should consider adding her to the cast, if only to teach Sammi how to lay down the law with Ronnie! (And of course, for a few good catfights.)