Christmas arrived six months ahead of schedule this year, at least for those of us who have longed for some Snooki and JWOWW wow-ness free of distractions like Mike’s abs, Pauly’s hair, and SamRon's emotional rollercoaster. In spite (or perhaps because) of Snooki’s pregnancy, and consequently her inability to properly “hurrah,” the premiere of the oh-so-metaphorically-titled Snooki & JWOWW provided just the right amount of bff-antics, girl-to-girl heart-to-hearts, and tanline lamentations to prove that this summer in "The City" will be just as fun as all of our previous summers at the Jersey Shore.
The girls moving in together — apparently as some sort of “last hurrah,” even though they jumped right into Jersey Shore Season 6 after wrapping filming of this spin-off in Jersey City — is a big deal. Now in mature relationships, which seem at least somewhat headed towards that aisle-with-a-capital-A, the ladies long to get out of their mamas' houses so that they can do their own dishes and have an unfair amount of fun in what appears to be a five-week-long sleepover.
Snooki breaks the news to her parents gently, complete with ruminations with her mother on how eating organic is totes kosher. She also philosophizes with her father (and his big filing cabinet that he drives around with?) over the merits of candles vs. fluorescent lighting (not only are candles cheaper, but “the Amish do it.” So true). The first of many revelations in this pilot is when Snooki learns that “you have to pay for taking a sh**.” Again, so true.
After Skyping one another from what we assume to be not-very-distant stretches of lush Jersey land, the ladies set an apartment-hunting date and JWOWW promises Snooki a bagel if she gets up early enough. JWOWW waits outside for an indeterminate amount of time whilst a) freezing, b) needing to pee, and c) wondering who will arrive first: Snooki, Victor the Realtor, or the rain; obvi, Snooki wins. And thank goodness for those bagels and all the napkins that come with shmear, because the ladies need some tissues after TMI-ing Victor the Realtor with woes of their cycles.
“Victor the Realtor is cute, but his blazer makes my eyeballs bleed,” JWOWW posits as the girls hop from cute-apartment-in-Jersey-City to cuter-apartment-in-Jersey-City. It seems like stairs are a drawback and totally something that only really happen in Italy; another apartment-minus is a creepy potential neighbor, who the girls oh-so politely ask, “Why are you so weird?”
After weeding out all the places with too much echoing power (Snooki does not want to hear JWOWW have sex … and vice versa), the girls find their perfect bachelorette pad.
Right after noting that the rooms are identical and that each door is respectively monikered “Chief” and “Captain,” Snooki opens the realtalk floodgates to her new roomie: “You’re my best friend and I’d tell you anything, so ... Jionni proposed and I’m engaged.”
JWOWW more-than-hints at her disbelief over the matter, admitting that she thought she’d be engaged first and wondering why Snooki hadn’t told her before. Snooks withheld the truth because she really really really wanted JWOWW to move in with her. Awww. She then admitted that there was a “reason” to the engagement; that is, a reason other than loving-the-other-person-so-much-that-you-wanna-sign-a-lifelong-contract-of-monogamy. Snooki finally confides to Jenny that, as the world already knows by now, she’s pregnant: “Instead of life throwing me a curveball, it threw me a spermball. Obviously.”
Despite all the balls (be they of the curve or sperm or any other variety), JWOWW still decides to move in with Snooki after all, because that is the premise of their reality show, and they sign a lease. The Captain and The Chief are together at last for their “last hurrah” which, apparently, has even more finality than the girls had initially anticipated.
What did you think of the premiere? Let us know in the comments below!
Catch the next episode of Snooki & JWOWW on on Thursday, June 28 on MTV.