Snooki Will Go "Squirrel Monkey on Your Ass" If You Mess With Her Cats

So what meatball nuggets of advice is Jersey Shore’s Snooki delving out in her newest book, Confessions of a Guidette? After reading a sneak preview, we realized that Snooki really isn’t spreading her brand-tastic capabilities far enough. Based on these quotes, she could easily become an expert on any of the following:

Fashion:
Hoop earrings “have to be big enough to fit a Red Bull through.”

Grooming:
“Your hair should make you six inches taller….”
“The kitty litter facial: use clean litter, mix it with hot water, and apply it for 10 minutes.”

Animal Care:
“Don’t talk s–t about my cat; I’ll go squirrel monkey on your ass.”

Furniture Decor:
This quote: “If I could strap my bed to my ass and take it everywhere, I would.”

Mixologist:
Snooki recipe, The Pickletini (it’s her own creation): 1 part vodka, 1/2 part pickle juice from a jar of pickles

Relationship Counselor:
“I want my relationship to be just like Titanic, Avatar, and Just Married.”

Improv:
“I’m a really good actor.” However, “I don’t want to remember lines.”

Source: EW

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