Just when you thought you’d erased it from your mind, the legendary image of Nicole “Snooki” Pollizi and Deena Nicole Cortese bumping cookas and possibly urinating in an Italian hot tub together is back to haunt your brain.
One of the catchiest lines from Jersey Shore Season 4 belongs to Snooks, who yelled out examples of “meatball problems” during Episode 7. @Meatballproblems took off and, easily applicable to all kinds of embarrassing behavior, became a regular phrase on JS. Below, we’ve listed our favorite meaty moments from Florence:
Getting Kicked Out of Clubs
Episode 7 had no shortage of classic Meatball Problems, but the real trouble (aside from excessive day drinking and being called gutter rats by a native) began when an intensely inebriated Deena lost her undah-wears somewhere along her journey from bar to bar over the past few days. But she didn’t caye-ah! Deena put her naked cooka on full display from an elevated stripper pole, garnering a bit too much negative attention for the classy joint that was this nightclub.
Putting Your Cooka in Danger
In Episode 9, Deena’s cooka (and her inside parts!) were in jeopardy. Had she somehow landed on a penis (again, somewhere along her journey from bar to bar) without realizing it, and had they smushed so hard that a mini-meatball was now living (barely) inside of her? For one thing, of course Deena lands on top of penii without realizing it — that’s why it’s fun and easily forgotten. Secondly, these two barely know how to turn on the shower, let alone operate a pregnancy test. Luckily, JWOWW and her maternal instincts kicked in, assuring Deena (and us) that Deena could continue to smush with abandon.
Learning How to Speak-ah the English
While Snooki mostly slurs, her ability to put words together in the form of a sentence has vastly improved since the first season. She could still use some spell check on her Twitter, but we’ll give her a break. And then we have Deena. Some of our favorite moments include “I have my periodozo,” “I need a food,” and her promise to bring “a whole buncha vocabulary” to Florence.
Deena wanted to get into Pauly D’s pants all season. This was unfortunate, since Pauly D thinks of Deena more as a little sister than a beautiful example of Italian genes at work. So what’s a meatball to do? After losing all of her underwears (you guessed it: somewhere along her journey from bar to bar), she was a huge fan of plopping right into Pauly D’s bed and trying to wake him up. I don’t think we’re alone in thinking Pauly was pretend-sleeping, right? As for Snooks, the sagas with Vinny and Mike are ongoing, but it’s clearly fair to say that she’ll be through all four male roommates by the end of Season 5.
Smushing Each Other
We warned you that we may be bringing up some visuals that you’d rather have removed from your memory permanently; and here’s the double whammy. It was only a matter of time before two meatballs became one. Deena’s flirtation with the lesbian life was brief, but passionate, and Snooki will make out with anyone for attention. These two finally bit the sloppy bullet and wagged their tongues in each other’s general direction for a while just before the finale.
We also want to give a shout-out to the Italian meatball who stole a bit of Snooks’ and Deena’s thunder at the club in Episode 12. After “f**cking” Deena’s clutch and being called “an annoying,” this international mini-girl gave the ‘balls a sobering look at “what they look like.” Not so pretty, eh, girls?
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