Tonight on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the gang took us down to the tropics of the Dominican Republic for an epic family getaway. The episode begins with Kris Jenner in the car, just as we left her last episode, presumably parking to meet up with once-flame Todd Waterman.
So, did she do it? Not quite. When she climbs back in the car, nonplussed, it’s hard to tell what’s just happened. But she hops on the phone with her assistant Noelle, explaining that she was supposed to meet up with Todd but that she just couldn’t do it. “I just left. I just turned around and got in my car and drove away,” she says. “It just didn’t feel right.” Phew! Crisis averted. Now, the question is: How’s she gonna tell Bruce? That conversation’s going to have to wait ‘til she can get her head cleared up.
In the meantime, there’s a family vacation to plan. Kourtney suggests Ireland — where the leprechauns and pots of gold await. Khloe’ll miss the vacation, much to Kris’ dismay. “Where she belongs is exactly where she is, and that’s with Lamar. But it still makes me sad,” Kris laments.
Later, Kourtney decides to approach Kim with bad news. So, naturally, she takes her out to a public place to meet. She can’t yell at a pregnant girl in front of people, after all. Kourtney informs her that she’s not on board for Ireland anymore. She’s not all that remorseful about it, though. “Everyone lets Khloe off the hook for not even coming on the trip, so I’m not going to worry about it,” she says flatly. Kim reminds her that her mother already booked a castle for them in Ireland, but Kourtney doesn’t budge.
At lunch, the subject of the trip comes up. Now that Ireland’s off the table, where should they go? Kendall wants somewhere tropical, and when Kourtney speaks up to give a new idea, Kim snaps that she doesn’t get a say anymore because she changes her mind too much. Bruce comes to the rescue, per usual, and suggests that everyone just put their preferred destination on a slip of paper and they’ll draw from a hat. Done! Dominican Republic it is — Kim’s choice, no less. “I think you guys will like it because there are monkeys,” she squeals. Kourtney’s fine with the choice as long as it’s safe.
Meanwhile, Bruce takes his sons Brandon and Burt to the speedway … and Scott too. Only, when he introduces the boys to his friend at the racetrack, he refers to Scott as “my friend,” which offends Scott because he thinks they’re “a little bit more than just acquaintances.” He does have a point. Brandon and Bruce tear it up on the track and soon discover that Scott’s taken off. Bruce is visibly upset. “I went out on a limb to get him here, ya know?” he says.
When he gets home he tells Rob all about the incident and how he’s now ticked off at Scott about it. “There are too many personalities in this family,” he moans. Scott’s attitude apparently isn’t welcome.
But there are two new girls who are welcome on the family vacation: Spencer and Maddy, friends to Kendall and Kylie. And four teenage girls in one room equals a lot of squealing. Oh boy!
Things aren’t sailing so smoothly with Kourtney and Scott, though. Kourtney’s got Tom, a plumber, in to deal with their little toilet situation. And while Kim’s all antsy about making their flight, Kourtney’s decided she really doesn’t even want to go. “You’re dealing with a crazy person, sir,” Kim tells the plumber. Despite Scott’s almost-funny gestures with the luggage, it’s not budging, and neither is Kourtney. “You are so rude and inconsiderate,” Kim says to her when she refuses to get going. She doesn’t want to miss her flight, so she takes off. Unfortunately, she misses the plane anyway. Thankfully, booking a private flight is no biggie.
Kris, Bruce, Rob, Kendall, Kylie, and friends all make it on time and find themselves in a total paradise. Their villa is right on the water. “This is going to be a really great week,” Kris predicts. Not so fast. Scott’s on his way, and Bruce is still annoyed with him about the racetrack incident. He thinks Scott’s unappreciative. Kris finds the behavior “bizarre,” a rare occasion in which she seems to side with Bruce.
Other than that — plus the fact that Kim, Kourtney, Scott, and Mason are still MIA — the place is totally “magical.” Kris, who’s used to being the planner of the fam, finds herself on a scavenger hunt. One yellow octopus float and a trek to the highest point in the villa later, she, Bruce, Rob, and the girls get a great surprise: Khloe’s in the house, ya’ll! Kris is so happy she could cry. “It’s never the same without you,” she gushes. “This is the best surprise I’ve had in years.” The excitement is short-lived though, as Khloe gets a text from Kim saying Kourtney’s not coming anymore. Ugh.
The littlest ones, meanwhile, are having a ball. And Khloe’s got an update on hubby Lamar, who’s been through the grinder this year in basketball. Bruce brings the subject back to his mini-feud with Scott, and Khloe’s totally Team Bruce. “What’s to figure out? He’s a weirdo. He’s just too up and down for me to mess with,” she says. Khloe’s surprised at Bruce’s rage. It takes a lot to make Too Cool Bruce upset. If he only knew where his wife was just a few days before.
Khloe then instigates the younger girls to act crazy because they have their whole lives to be old but only a few years left to raise heck. They go gallivanting around the island in some golf clubs. Sure, that’s safe.
Bruce, ever the sportsman, finds his fun time at the golf course. He notices that the golf pro, Eric, is a good-looking guy with a sense of fashion. He prods to discover he’s also single. Don’t worry, he’s not trying to pick him up for himself, but rather for Kim!
Kendall, Kylie, and their friends — at the behest of Khloe — decorate each other with war paint and go harass a slumbering Kris. It’s all fun and games as they yank her outta bed, drag her down the stairway, and push her into the pool, until Kris breaks a toe. Ouch! The funniest part of it all is how Rob just observes the madness in silence. “You guys broke my toe. I can’t even put my shoes on,” Kris whines seemingly to deaf ears, because the girls really don’t seem to care. In fact, Kylie starts flexing at her accomplishment.
When dinner time arrives and the rest of the gang still hasn’t arrived, Khloe’s a little miffed. She came all this way to surprise everyone, and now it looks like she won’t get much time with everyone else. Bruce is kinda glad they’re not here yet, though. “We’ve got plenty of people to enjoy this place with, we don’t have to worry about [Kourtney],” he says bluntly.
When Kim arrives, she does so solo. Kourtney and her brood are still in Miami, and now she just wants to go back home. “Being pregnant this time has really changed her,” Kim observes. “Seriously, this is so crazy.”
The next day, Kris rents the gang a boat for the day. Her toe may be broken, but she’s gonna “soldier on” to make sure her family has a nice vacation week. And soldier on she does — with a few glass of pinot to grease the wheels. When she gets on the jet ski, Khloe’s come-what-may attitude changes a little. She who thought it was fine to have young, reckless teens hitting the road in golf carts is now singing a different tune about her mother’s drunk jet skiing. “I don’t think you’re supposed to operate heavy machinery when you’re that intoxicated, and this b*tch decides to get on a jetski with her prized possession on the back — Kim,” she recounts.
While everyone (minus Rob) is still on the boat, Kourtney, Scott, and Mason finally arrive. “It’s been such a crazy time to get over here,” she says to Rob. Scott’s just as glum about the arrival because he’s gotten word of Bruce’s complaints about him.
When a tipsy Kris tries to bond with Kendall with a conversation about favorite sandwiches, she and the rest of the girls — who are acting a bit like brats — hit the deck to do some tanning. “Everybody gives me flack for not spending any time with anybody, and when I do this is what happens,” Kris observes.
When they return to the vacation house, everyone’s finally together. Kourtney’s psyched to see Khloe, and the two share a laugh over Kris’ drunken attempts to board a penguin float. “She’s just such a freak,” Kourtney says. When Bruce shows up with his golf club in hand and sees Scott, he’s waiting for an apology. It doesn’t come, so he takes off to the golf course.
Kris takes Bruce’s side on the issue with Scott. Calling him “unappreciative” and “spoiled,” she snaps that he needs to show Bruce a little gratitude. At any rate, Scott’s surprised at her attitude about it, thinking if anyone was going to take sides with him, it’d be Kris. “I thought that maybe someone would be a little sympathetic that it’s taken me two days with a pregnant woman to get here but no,” he says. “All I wanna do is take a two-day travel trip home. “
Bruce decides to take Kim along for his golf day. He’s still got plans to fix her up with his golf pro, so he’s delighted when the two engage in successful small talk and Kim picks up her game on the green. She does let out a few suggestive phrases like, “What’s the trick to get it up in the air?” but it’s pretty clear she’s just being polite.
Back at the house, Kourtney, Rob, Scott, and Mason are all chilling by the pool when the subject of Kourtney’s indecisiveness comes up. She’s ordered something extravagant and now she’s having buyer’s remorse. Scott tells her to send it back. “You ordered a seven thousand dollar outdoor table? That’s insane!”
He and Rob take off to walk around in some ruins and happen across an ampitheater. Scott thinks Rob should pull out some of his old Dancing With the Stars moves and entertain the crowd. Rob has another idea — fruity cocktails! The boys finally sit down and chat about the night. “Bruce and I aren’t close,” Scott says in defense of himself. “So why is he going around talking all this sh*t about how I hurt our friendship? … He’s not [Mason’s grandfather], and I’ll tell him too,” he threatens.
Back at the house, Bruce tells Kim he’s invited the golf pro over for her. “Normal, nice, single … what’s wrong with that?” he justifies. “Bruce, you just don’t get it. I’m not trying to date anybody,” Kim says bluntly, asking him to disinvite the guy. “I need to just chill out. I don’t want to find anyone.” Besides, she was just being polite to this Eric fellow. She wasn’t actually interested. “I’m sorry for meddling, getting in your business, but I would still love to have a good golf professional in the family,” Bruce says, agreeing to rescind the invitation. “Well unfortunately I’m done with dating athletes, I think, so maybe Kendall and Kylie can do a nice up and coming golfer.”
After a long day, everyone’s finally where Kris likes them — ready to party. Even Bruce is sipping on a margarita. “You’re a little red, Disick,” Kris teases Scott. “It’ll turn chocolate before you know it, sweet thing,” he answers back. You gotta hand it to Scott — he’s very quotable. Thong conga dancing and many, many beverages highlight the evening, and when Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney take the stroll back to the house, Khloe asks whether Kris ever met up with that Todd guy.
Kourtney’s arms fold immediately. She wonders why that’s even a question. Clearly she’s not been told the whole story. When Khloe fills her in, Kourtney’s very, very peeved. “That’s the worst idea I’ve ever even heard,” she says. “That’s just so gross you guys, I don’t even understand that.” Khloe suggests she take it up with Kris. Somehow, we suspect this’ll not be done at a convenient time, either. Warning to Kris: Incoming!
While Bruce has his sights set on Scott and his handling of Mason’s fussy dinnertime manners, Scott doesn’t want any parenting advice and the bigger picture becomes clear soon enough.
Kourtney says she doesn’t want to go skeet shooting because, well, it sounds quite dangerous for a pregnant lady. We’re with her on this one. “What do you want me to do, zipline through the jungle?” she implores. Kris starts in on her indecisiveness and how it’s more than just this vacation — she won’t even decide whether to marry Scott.
“I’m not going to take relationship advice from you, who’s going and meeting people from your past. It’s disrespectful to Bruce,” she snaps. This gets Bruce’s attention. “Who are you meeting from your past?” he asks. Kris tries to deny it and avoids answering Bruce’s questions about whether she gave him her number, before he finally gets up and leaves the table. “I’ve lost my appetite,” he says, storming off.
Kourtney decides she’ll join him. “Oh, really? You’re going to go with Bruce,” Kris says. And she’s not the only one. Pretty soon, everyone’s left the table except Khloe, who seems to be struggling with her own mind about what’s just happened. “Get over yourself,” she finally says, taking her leave as well. “You said that if and when you were going to meet with him you were going to discuss it with Bruce first, so you’re a liar.”
Kris is left alone, head in hands, at the huge dinner table.
Next week, it looks like some major Dominican Republic lip action with Kris is on the way, and Scott’s going to have a sitdown with Kourtney about Scott’s attitude.
Can’t get enough Kardashians gossip? Like us on ourFacebook page or follow us on Twitter!