Credit: Jacob Andrzejczak/Getty Images Photo: Kim Kardashian Celebrates Her 30th Birthday at Tao in Las Vegas on October 15, 2010
Kim Kardashian turned 30 — or hadn’t you heard? The whole gang — including mom Kris Jenner, sis Khloe, and Kim’s friends — decide to celebrate in Vegas. Now, you may remember Scott had a meltdown in Vegas on Kim’s birthday a year ago. (Something about stuffing a hundred dollar bill in a waiter’s mouth.) Scott isn’t feelin’ it this year — and Kris isn’t feelin’ Scott in Vegas, either. She even threatens not to go if he does, which kind of surprised us since she’s usually so diplomatic.

Everyone gets on a plane, including Scott, and within five TV seconds they are three quarters of the way across the country. At the Vegas airport, Scott decides to turn around and go back to New York because he can’t deal with the temptation. Wha? Scott gets mature? Whose shenanigans are going to entertain us on this episode? Certainly not Kim’s, since she’s acting like she’s at a funeral. We’re kind of bummed that Scott leaves — in fact, no … won’t … say it … we’re actually beginning to like this new, improved sober Scott. We’re rooting for him but hoping he’ll screw up too, because it’s so damned entertaining. There, we said it. Does that make us horrible people? But he doesn’t screw up — he goes back to New York and has a quiet evening with his friend on the terrace, smoking cigars. For a hot minute it seems like he is going to cave in and go out, but he stays strong.

Kim says she wants a mellow party, but the rest of the fam isn’t having it. They head to Tao, where pal Kelly Rowland dedicates a song (“Bootylicious”, natch) to her. But she still has a sour, leave-me-to-rot-in-my-misery kind of expression on her face and we just want to slap her silly!
Credit: Jacob Andrzejczak/Getty Images Photo: Kourtney Kardashian Arrives at Kim Kardashian's 30th Birthday Party at Tao in Las Vegas on October 15, 2010
Kris, on the other hand, seems to be having the most fun of everyone — bumping and grinding with Perez Hilton at Tao (“What will Bruce say?” Perez asks. “Who’s Bruce?” she responds) and dancing with Kim’s pal Jonathan Cheban.

After clubbing, Kim still has a stick up her booty, so Kourtney decides to call the concierge and have a keg delivered. Because kegs are fun! The rule is that everyone has to do a keg stand. And guess who’s first? Kris. Of course. (We love Kris.) Then it’s Kim’s turn, and she’s just not havin’ it. After a little prodding, granny does the keg stand — even though she doesn’t drink beer — and seems to enjoy it. Or pretends to.

But wait — seriously, what is wrong with Kim? You don’t have a birthday party, invite all your friends from New York, and act like the world is coming to an end. It’s not like she’s turning 80. This is a person who can force a smile while endorsing Charmin at a public restroom opening in New York City. Couldn’t she have acted a little bit merrier? Sheesh.

So the gang comes back east, and Kourtney and Scott have one of their little Brady Bunch moments. You know, where they come together at the end of the day — like Mike and Carol did in bed — and chat about how things are going. Then they kiss. (In this case, Kourtney rips Scott’s shirt off.) Scott says he feels like a failure for not being able to go to Vegas, and that he may never be able to be in Vegas. We agree. Great. Big. Failure. (Totes kidding.) Kourtney reassures him that he needs to do what’s best for him, and that he is headed in the right direction. Yawn.

This episode was a little bit of a snoozer, mostly because Kim was being so boring. The promo for the next one — WHICH AIRS TOMORROW NIGHT, NOTE TO SELF! — looks much juicier! In it, Kim acknowledges that she is dating Shengo (yummy) but that he has to go back to Australia. Boo! We want ‘Kingo’ to get married! Or — maybe Kourtney and Kim can take ‘Down Under’? What do you think?