Credit: Johns PKI / Splash News Photo: Kim Kardashian Looks Surprised at NYC Party

Kourtney and Kim Take New York Season 2 is finally here! Tonight, we began to witness the beginning of the end of Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries, and honestly, we think KKTNY will be everything we thought it would and then some. Is it wrong we’re so entertained watching a marriage crumble right before our eyes?

Surprisingly, Kourtney and Kim Take New York begins with a montage of clips reporting about Kim and Kris’ divorce. Then, we cut to a black screen with the words “8 Weeks Earlier” in bold face type.

The episode starts with Kim and Kris packing their suitcases in L.A., after returning from what Kim calls an “amazing” Italian honeymoon. Both newlyweds sound happy — excited even — to be heading to the Big Apple. Oh, if only they knew then what we all know now. The irony is so palpable we can taste it.

Still, Kris tells Kim it’s “gonna take a lot to get rid of him” and as they fly in their private jet across the nation, Kim lovingly strokes’ Kris’ chin and he calls her “so pretty.” Across the land, Kourtney and Scott (and baby Mason!) have landed in NYC and are setting up shop in the biggest two-story suite at the Gansevoort hotel. Kourtney says she thinks it’ll be “so much fun” for the five of them to live together.

Um, maybe not so much. When the newlyweds arrive at their humble NYC abode, things start to look rocky right off the bat. Kourtney and Scott are doting on each other even more than newlyweds Kris and Kim. (And given their less-than-stellar relationship track record that’s saying a lot.) We almost don’t blame Kris and Kim for the awkwardness, since four people and one baby in one house is a LOT, especially given that almost 2-year-old Mason’s “playroom” is about 10 feet from the newlyweds’ door. Awkward! Still, we can’t hate on Mace. Mason and all his poopy-diapered glory is probably the best part of this show regardless.

Credit: Splash News Photo: Kris Humphries With Scott Disick at Jill Stuart Fashion Show

After they’ve said their hellos, the quartet gather in the living room to chit-chat. Kris, clearly still in a daze, says he “doesn’t even feel like he’s married”  yet, to which Kim quickly responds, “You better.” Bad move, K-man. And speaking of moves, Kris also talks about how he has to do all of his pre-season NBA training in NYC and can’t get “caught up” in the Kardashian lifestyle.

Before Kim can even unfold all her leopard print camis, the bickering begins. Kim the neat freak and Kris have never lived together, so sharing space is shaping up to be quite an adjustment for these two. They really can’t agree on anything, including something as simple as how many drawers each person will get to stash their clothes. But instead of talking rationally, Kim has another idea for how to solve that problem: She throws Kris’ heaping pile of laundry onto the floor.

On the flip side, Kourt and Scott, who were exchanging kisses and flirty glances earlier, aren’t getting along swimmingly either. She’s particularly peeved he’s smoking cigarettes again (even though he claims they are “candy” and he “wasn’t inhaling.” Okay, President Clinton!)

It’s not just cancer sticks Kourtney’s against nowadays, either. The hot little mama is trying to be more healthy and is forcing her probiotic, organic, compost-pile lifestyle onto the rest of the Gansevoort crew — with little success. Even baby Mason dumps out a bag of what look like green popcorn balls and walks around saying “Eww” as the adults munch on kale chips.

Later, Scott, Kourt, and baby Mason go to dinner and Scott tells Kourtney he’s about to “freak out” since he hasn’t had a cigarette. “What else is new?” she quips. Oh, snap! Still, it’s apparent these two are still in love, although they keep talking about how they never get to be intimate anymore. They even have separate bedrooms!

Credit: Wagner Az / Pacific Coast News Photo: It Takes Two: Kim and Kourtney Film Season 2 of KKTNY

No matter how much Scott and Kris complain about Kourtney’s weird ‘granola’ practices, she’s not gonna give up. The next day, Kourt and Kim hit up one of Kourtney’s crazy holistic spas. All’s well and good at first (in fact we’re kind of jealous of how relaxed the newlywed looks) — until she’s offered an enema. Um, no thank you. “I thought this was a normal spa,” Kim says. Right. Like one where they don’t wear rubber gloves! Kourtney’s not phazed and she gets her oil enema with a smile — although she does mention it might cause some, um, leakage later on. Well, that’s cute.

Believe it or not, it gets even weirder when Kourt and Kim get back from the spa. First, Kourtney “leaks” on Kim and Kris’ bed. Nice. Then, Kris makes the mistakes of all mistakes: He ruins Kim’s fresh pedicure while horsing around with her. Kim is so not pleased that she throws an air punch at him. You don’t mess with this girl’s pedicure, got it?

Later that night, Kim and Kris have an obligatory “Welcome to NYC” party to attend. Kris is moaning and complaining about the whole shebang, and it doesn’t help that Kim and Kourt are taking like a gazillion hours to get ready. But leave it to Kris and Scott to find a fun way to pass the time: shaving each other’s underarm hair. Because that’s totally normal brother-in-law behavior, right?

At the party, K. Hump really has his crabby pants on. He asks in an annoyed tone how long they have to stay and walks away from the red carpet to text on his cell. Later he apologizes for his jerkiness and tells Kim he loves her. Man. it’s kind of hard to hate the guy since he always does something to redeem himself. Still though, actions speak much louder than (drunken, slurred) words!

Credit: Diane Cohen/Fame Pictures Photo: Scott Disick: Party Pooper in a Tux

Per usual, Scott is having his own probs at this soiree. He gets wasted and starts to make stupid comments. Oh man. We’ve seen this before. He even tries to tell Kourtney to get out of his car and walk home.

After the rather hellish party, things aren’t much better the next day. Kris is lagging in b-ball practice, while Scott is still wearing his pissy pants and actually leaves the hotel to supposedly go back to L.A. Kourtney confides in a shirtless Kris about her relationship problems. While we don’t know what she should do about Scott, we do now have an inkling why Kim married Kris. Yum.

When Kim hears Scott is MIA, she not-so-jokingly asks Kourt if Kris can take his room. “I can’t live with him, he’s such a slob,” she says. Dare we say this is why you shouldn’t get married without living together — or at least in the same state — first?

To take their minds off their boyfriends/husbands, Kourt, Kim, and friends have a naked yoga class in their living room — but the young, male (and uber-serious) teacher is the only one who actually shows any skin. Funny thing too, because Kris shows up right in the middle and catches a nice full-frontal of the yoga man. Kris fumes over the incident. He pulls Kim aside to tell her Kourtney can’t live with them anymore. To make matters worse, he yells something about how someone needs to clean off the couch with antibacterial cleaner if the naked yoga teacher sat on it, and the guy is within earshot. Immature and rude? Check and check. (And anyway, shouldn’t he be more worried about Kourtney, with her leaking butt, sitting on the couch first?)

Kim gets pissed about Kris’ nasty comments and yells up the stairs at him that he can’t treat people that way. The duo scream at each other for a minute before Kris storms out and off to a bar to complain to his friend.

Then, Kris comes back and tells Kim he thinks he needs to go home to Minnesota to focus on his basketball training. He’s just not able to focus with all of the distractions. Kim takes the news surprisingly well and says she’ll support him no matter what he wants to do.

 

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