Talk about a vagina monologue! On the March 17 episode of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian let their competitive nature take them to a new extreme: fighting to determine which Kardashian lady has the most pleasant smelling vagina. No, we’re not kidding. That actually happened.

After Khloe the Family Oversharer extolled the, uh, therapeutic virtues of pineapple juice consumption on the odor and taste of your lady flower, Kourtney and Kim decided to stage a “vagina smell off.” For days, the girls seemed to do nothing but chug pineapple juice in preparation for judging.

Who would judge such a competition? Khloe, of course. (Like you even had to ask!) Since KoKo has no qualms about her own sister giving her  a bikini wax, we’re not really sure she even has boundaries. Mercifully for viewers at home, the judging was not up close and personal. Kim and Kourtney presented her with napkins carrying their, um, essences.

If you didn’t watch for yourself, we’re sure you have plenty of questions right now, like “Why, God, why?” and “Does anyone have any Pepto Bismol?” We hear you. But maybe some of you are also wondering who won the competition. Well, if you must know, it was Kim.

Now, if you need us, we’ll be rocking back and forth in the corner for a few days.