Credit: Clint Brewer / Splash News Photo: Kris Humphries Gets a Mouthful of Cake on July 29, 2011

Wow! Two hours of Kardashian wedding preparation was almost more than we could handle. Lucky for us, Kim’s cake-tasting, dress-picking, family-feuding fairytale was broken up with bits of that KDash bizarreness we all know and love. Here are the top moments from Kim’s Fairytale Wedding, Part One that made us go “OMG!”

11. Why the rush?
Kim’s future hubby calls her out on real reason she wants to get married so fast. She’s already hit the big 3-0, and let’s be honest, her hotness clock is a-tickin’! And, as Kris points out, those wedding photos “are forever.” (You mean like the nuptials themselves? Oh. Right. Being cute in the pics is far more important than choosing the right person. Duh.) Plus, hello! Photoshop!

10. Kris and Khloe attack each other
Kim calls a family meeting, but her obnoxious groom-to-be is far more interested in picking on her younger sister than planning their nuptials. Not only does the NBA baller tell Khloe to “lock it up,” he tells the entire family he “hates” her. Was anybody else disappointed Kourtney didn’t dump champagne on his head?

9. Mama J gets a facelift
‘Cause that’s what every good mother does when her daughter’s about to get hitched.

8. Kris is late to registration
Kris seems to care a lot about this wedding. (That’s sarcasm.) Thankfully, Mama J has some advice for her stressed out princess, who’s waiting patiently for her not-so-shining knight: “You gotta get outta the mad place and into the fun place and decide what kind of china you would like to sit down to at the end of the day.” Important stuff here, peeps.

7. A Kardashian Sears commercial airs every 10 seconds
(Actually this wasn’t shocking at all.)

6. Scott sticks up for Kris!
Who knew D-bag Disick had a heart? For real though, if anybody knows about pleasing (or, um, not pleasing) the Kardashian women, it’s Scott. Unfortch, Kris doesn’t seem too receptive to any of Scott’s advice. Suit yourself!

Credit: Khloe Kardashian’s Blog Photo: Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian Toast Well Wishes on July 20, 2011

5. Kris walks in on Khloe talking smack
Ouch. Bad timing. But at least it opens up this much-needed conversation. Still, where does Kris get off telling Khloe she can’t question his marriage when he accused hers of being a PR stunt? Seems like a case of the pot calling the kettle black!

4. Mama J forgets to rent cars for Kris’ family
Wow.That’s pretty bad, Mama J. This wedding really is all about Kim!

3. Rob is hoarding food
Not only does Rob wake up in the middle of night to gorge on snacks, he’s also hiding bags of chips and candy and junk food under his bed. And he’s got an extra 30 pounds to show for it! Don’t fret, though, big sis Khloe’s got a solution: a mega-loud alarm that screeches if Rob opens a cabinet at night. Within minutes of installing their snack security, the couple catch Rob sitting on the floor of the pantry, dejectedly shoveling food into his mouth. Los Angeles, we have a problem.

2. Kris puts his foot down
When Kim asks for Christina Aguilera’s music (oh, and doughnuts) at her wedding, Kris decides he’s had enough and tells Bridezilla and Momzilla they should just marry each other. Zing! Still, we have a feeling if it’s “what a girl wants,” it’s what a girl gets. Bring on Xtina!

1. Kim and Khloe’s battle royale
A fight was totes brewing all episode, but in the final moments, the two sisters go at it. Kim is livid that Khloe questioned Kris’ intentions — so much so that she tells Khloe she doesn’t want her in the wedding anymore. Wait a sec. When did we start watching Bridezillas?