Credit: Ben Hider/Getty Images Photo: Kourtney and Kim Kardashian Arrive at the QVC 25 To Watch Party on February 11, 2011

In this week’s episode, Kim hears Scott and Kourtney having sex in the other room… then the couple tries to find other places in the city to get their groove on. Which made for hilarious lines — most of them about sex and penises. And nuts. We were hard pressed to pick just 10 brilliant quotes from this episode. But we did it — and here they are — the best, most juicy lines from “Down and Out in New York”!


10.  Don’t flatter yourself, buddy.

Scott: So Kim heard. I’m sure she did. I’m in there like a jackhammer going to work.

9. A marriage of convenience… jaywalking… same difference.

Scott: [Getting married for citizenship is] like jaywalking. It’s frowned upon.

8. He’s got more hair than all of ours combined.

Kim (to Scott): I’m just trying to see if you have a receding hairline or not.

7. Here’s a solution: stop listening!

Kim: [Scott and Kourt having sex is] just so loud and so weird it’s just like grossing me out.

6. One way to solve the problem …

Scott: We’re going to have to start to compromise. I’ll stop having sex in public places and Kourtney will start wearing a gag.

5. How romantic!

Scott (to Kourtney): We do what we gotta do to pleasure ourselves. So I’ll stuff a sock in your mouth then.

4. Post-coital starvation.

Kourtney (to Kim): Thanks for ordering breakfast. I’m starving.
Kim: I’m sure you are.

3. It’s a small as a sausage link. And just as wrinkly.

Kourtney (to Kim): That’s exactly what (Scott’s) penis looks like.

2. Can’t a guy catch a break?

Scott: So it looks like Kim’s in for the night. Which means so’s my penis.

1. Subtlety is not their strong point.

Kim: The warm nuts in New York are so good. Can we get some warm nuts please?
Kourtney: We love nuts in our mouths.