Kesha Pens Essay About Eating Disorder Post-Rehab: “I Was Being Hateful to Myself” (VIDEO)
For a self-described "person in progress," Kesha certainly seems to have a solid grasp on her own self-worth and what she needs to be healthy.
As the "Timber" singer describes in a new essay in Elle UK (per E! Online), that's a credit to the work she did during a voluntary two-month rehab stay at the beginning of the year, on which she embarked to combat her eating disorder.
"That first day in treatment was the scariest of my life," she writes. "I worried about what people would think. I was here for an eating disorder— but I knew people would assume I was here for other things. Sure, I've written songs about partying, but my dirty little secret is that I'm actually incredibly responsible. I take my music and career very seriously, and certainly didn't land in this situation from partying. But I was cut off from the outside world, and I imagined people making up stories at a time when what I really needed was support."
And now that she can speak out for herself, Kesha's opening up on the downward spiral that led her to that lowpoint: "I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible, and to make that happen, I had been abusing my body. I just wasn't giving it the energy it needed to keep me healthy and strong."
The 27-year-old describes feeling paranoid that paparazzi were determined to publish photos of her looking bad — and thus becoming more reclusive. "I felt like a liar, telling people to love themselves as they are, while I was being hateful to myself and really hurting my body," she elaborates.
"I'm not fully fixed — I am a person in progress — but I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Even I need to be reminded that we are who we are," she concludes, citing the name of her 2010 hit. "And when I say that, I f—king mean it, now more than ever."