Last week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, we were left with Kris Jenner dining with her old flame Todd Waterman, and things seemed to be getting a little frisky between the two. So what came of that? Let’s find out.
Tonight’s episode begins with Todd taking their conversation to the next level, in response to Kris’s earlier question of whether he was seeing anyone. “I was wondering who was going to go there first tonight… you or me,” he entices. Kris, however, gets a wiser head and decides to turn down Todd’s offer to “get out of here.” She tells the creep that it’s time for them both to move on, though he’s not exactly psyched about it. “Closure is a b**ch,” she tells him. She seems smug with her decision.
“I’m just really glad that I’m going home to Bruce Jenner,” Kris says. She races home and wakes him from his slumber to tell him all that happened. She feels an “urgency” to do so because “it’s unfair to him to have one more minute go by” without filling him in. Bruce, however, doesn’t give her the warm response she was expecting. “Explain to me why you saw this a**hole,” he demands. Kris opts for the honest route and tells him that she may have been fantasizing about a person who doesn’t exist for 22 years. “What an idiot you are,” Bruce snaps. “I don’t even know how I can trust you. I can’t believe you did this.” Poor Kylie sat in the background for most of the talk, by the way.
Over at Khloe and Lamar Odom’s house, Kim’s visiting to help clean out Khloe’s closet. She’s finding a lot to make fun of her for, though, so Khloe starts getting offended. She scoots Kim along on her merry way, and as she’s leaving, she gives Lamar a hug goodbye. That’s when she notices it, apparently. Lamar’s got a mean case of halitosis. Oh, and Kim’s got a sixth sense for detecting cavity breath, she insists.
As they’re walking out, she tells Khloe that Lam Lam really needs to get to the dentist. Khloe agrees, joking that he probably has 20 cavities, but the fact is that he’s scared of the dentist. Kim throws up a toothless Lamar impression to scare her a bit. Kim insists Khloe will need to force him to go.
Back at Jenner Communications, Kourtney joins her sisters and mom for a pow wow. Only, Kris doesn’t want Kourtney in for the first order of business. She wants to chat up the Todd Waterman and Bruce scandal without judgy wudgy Kourtney to interfere. The other girls agree Kris is being rude by making Kourtney (who, by the way, is dressed very scantily for her state, or so the girls say) leave. She refuses to move, so they badger Kris to spill.
Kris has met up with Todd Waterman, she announces. Just as Kris probably feared, Kourtney responds fast and furiously. “What a little whore. Why would you even give someone the satisfaction? Wouldn’t you just want him to think you didn’t know he exists?” she demands. “I get wanting to do it for closure, but you didn’t do it for that,” Kim adds. Kim wants Kris to take a lie detector test. “I want you to take an STD test because I’m sure you have a few of those,” Khloe prods, playfully. She’s always at the ready with some levity, goodness love her.
Kourtney agrees with Kim that a polygraph could be effective. After the requisite amount of joking, the girls split up, and Khloe and Kim meet up at Kim’s place. Kim brings up the subject of Lamar’s teeth again. “Khloe, I almost throw up in my mouth everytime I hug him,” Kim says, trying to convince Khloe of the severity of the issue. Khloe agrees that something needs to be done, so Kim steps up and offers to help coax Lamar into it.
Back at Kourtney and Scott’s place, Mason’s playing with Aunt Khloe. Kim comes in and insists they have to craft Kris’s lie detector questions themselves. They consult Joseph from Polygraph Services, who has an ample resume.
The girls come up with a few tough questions, like “Do you still love Todd?” and “Do you still have sexual intercourse?” and “Are you having an affair with Todd?” and, perhaps most dangerously, “Are you in love with your husband?” Kourtney admits she “knows [they] are playing with fire” and “might not want to know the real answers to some of these questions,” but she thinks it’s for the best anyway.
Back to Kim’s personal mission of getting Lam to the dentist. She calls him to check out Kanye’s ride he lent her. She tells him they’re going to the dentist, and he runs back inside. “It is so funny to see such a big man squirm over the word dentist,” she says. She tells him he only needs to do two veneers and a few cavities, but Lamar’s afraid of the dentist because he knows there’s a lot that needs to get done. Kim promises him that he’ll be knocked out for it. He swears he’ll do it, but when she tells him the appointment is Friday, he backs out again.
Later, Bruce joins Kourtney and Khloe for a chat, and Kourtney raises the Todd issue. She’s Team Bruce again, and she agrees with him when he says, “It kind of ticks me off that she would do that and not tell me. I don’t even know what issues she would have with him 22 years later. Move on.” He tells the girls about when he first married their mom and she told him, “I just want you to know, never trust me.” What the heck does that mean? He’s anxious to see the results of the lie detector test, because her little warning from so long ago still kept a “little thing” in the back of his mind. Khloe and Kourtney think Kris is enjoying all the attention this has gotten her.
When the lie detector test shows up, Kris teases him that she’s the “criminal.” While she thinks the whole ordeal is a little “over-the-top dramatic,” she’s happy to do it and clear the air. After setting things up, everyone watches the test with bated breath.
“Is Kim your favorite daughter?” “Yes,” Kris says. (Kourtney and Khloe share a glance.) Next questions are whether she ever took more than her fair cut of her daughters’ earnings (“No”), whether Robert Kardashian is Khloe’s biological father (“Yes”), whether she regrets having an affair on her ex-hubby (“Yes”), whether she’s in love with Todd Waterman (“No”), and whether she would like to have another affair with Todd. She answers “No” to that last bit, but the machine’s needle starts zipping around. Bruce leaves, visibly perturbed at the mixed results.
The doctor cuts Kris a little slack about it, though, saying that some of the questions might have caused more emotional distress than the other, thusly resulting in mixed machine reactions. Kourtney accepts this as an answer and is glad her mother wasn’t lying. Kim’s just glad she really is her mom’s favorite daughter.
Kris goes upstairs to speak with Bruce, gladdened that she got a passing score on the test. Bruce doesn’t think she did. “I was down there and I saw one of those needles just bouncing around all over the place,” he says. He wants to know why she went to meet up with him in the first place. She can’t answer that question but insists that it’s a good thing she did and came back feeling so great about her marriage and self. “Whoopee,” he says. “This whole thing is ridiculous.”
Heading to the dentist, Lamar’s extremely nervous. He’s got some moral support, though, in Khloe and Kim. He meets his DMD, Dr. Kevin Sands, who assures him that the only thing he’ll be awake for is the x-raying. After taking a peek at the images and pin-pointing the issues, it’s time for the narcotics. Lamar heads to la la land and starts to compliment the doc on his career choice. “You guys have the best job in the world. You guys make like millions of dollars a year… You walk outside, you probably get some of the best sandwiches in the world,” he says.
It doesn’t take much longer for him to zonk out. As he works on Lamar, the doctor begins to understand “why they call him the candy man.” His work is extensive, and the doctors agree that his pain must’ve been pretty intense. Eight cavity fillings, a root canal, and an extraction later, Lamar’s back awake, feeling so, so much better. “I would’ve came to the doctor every day if I knew it was like this,” he says.
Khloe’s grateful for Kim’s persistence in getting things taken care of, and Lamar intends to be more proactive with his oral hygiene from here on. Oh, and he’s now BFFs with Dr. Sands (though that might’ve been the drugs still running through his system).
Also feeling out of it is Bruce, who meets his son Burt on the beach. He tells him about Kris, and Burt asks whether he’s considered having a separation from her. “I don’t know what to do. I feel lost,” Bruce says.
Now that the Lamar situation’s fixed, it’s time for Khloe’s other boy housemate to have an issue. Rob’s tired of Kim picking on him for his receding hairline. Kim thinks he should really do something about it and that she’s just being a helpful older sister, but now he’s starting to get a complex. He hits up a beauty product store with Scott. He admits he might actually need to do something to prevent losing all his hair.
Since the girls’ lie detector scheme didn’t help matters between their parents, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim decide that they should arrange a romantic vacation for them. They need to get over this Todd business, and quick. Apparently, Kris and Bruce used to reminisce about their first meeting and how it was love at first sight and how they used to share steaks and all of this other gooky romantic stuff, so they gotta get back to where it all began.
Rob — who is seriously traumatized by his big sister’s taunts — decides to show up at the Jenner house and demand to see photos of Kris’s dad. When she comes across a cute one of herself, he snaps, “I don’t want to see pictures of you. I want to see pictures of your dad.” Is it just us, or is Rob a little off his rocker this season altogether? Anyway, they finally come across one, and while Rob thinks the man has a nice head of hair, Kris says that her dad did have thinner hair than most.
And on the subject of not understanding, Kim invites the fam over for a barbecue at her place. Kris tries to play nice with Bruce and ask about his day, but he snaps back that it was the same kind of day he’s had every day for a long time. She suggests it’s time for her to go, but Kim interrupts to announce that this is all just a set-up to see them off to Malibu. Surprise! And she doesn’t care whether they maim each other in the ocean; they’re going on the trip. The car’s already packed — with the aid of personal assistants, of course — and the place awaits! “Ah, this oughta be exciting,” Bruce grunts. “Oh boy,” Kris agrees.
Rob visits a hair restoration clinic. The doc admits there’s a little bit of hair loss going on and that he should use preventative measures like medicine or laser therapy. Rob leaves even more confused than before. When Khloe comes into his room and finds the laser machine on his nightstand, she teases him that he’s tripping out about this whole hair business.
Kris and Bruce arrive to their beach house and agree that it’s quite pretty. Bruce isn’t too amped about the trip, though, and keeps it grumpy. “Seems like right now, we brought all the troubles from home right here to Malibu,” he says. Kris wants to go sit on the cutesy Adirondack chairs, but Bruce decides he’d like to check out the TV. Night one ends with him sleeping on the couch. Kris is a little disappointed at their lack of progress and notes, “If we can’t enjoy a romantic weekend together in a place like this, then what else is left?”
The next day, she comes down to find Bruce awake. They have a nice moment about the kids outside taking surfing lessons, remembering when Kendall and Kylie took lessons. She goes to fix some coffee, and he teases her about whether she can brew it. The bickering commences once again as she calls him out for being “nasty” to her. And then he’s back to watching TV in one room, with her in another.
Rob consults with Lamar about whether he’s going bald. Lamar reminds him that he does know a thing or two about hair loss. In fact, Lam Lam start shaving his head at 19. He tells Rob, “You gotta learn to just roll with the punches like I did. Your hair is fine right now, if it ever becomes a problem, just deal with it then.” Rob realizes he was bugging out over nothing. Lamar’s opened his eyes. “I’m a guy so it’s not really a big deal to me. Look at you, you got a beautiful bald head,” he tells him.
Kris comes downstairs to talk to Bruce. She’s got the book Kim told them to look at together — an old scrapbook of photos of them together. “That’s after we just met. Look how young we were,” Bruce says of one picture, and “Our first date, honey” he says of another. Kris admits, “going through all these pictures reminds me of what a great life Bruce and I have had.” She sweetens up to him and says, “You know what the difference between now and then is? We used to put our relationship first… it used to be about you and me and we used to have so much fun.”
They agree to put their relationship on the front burner again. She toasts “to how fabulous our life used to be, is, and is going to be,” and they both go enjoy the view outside. They decide to meet upstairs in a few. “Life is good,” Bruce says. “Life is really good,” she agrees. A fairy tale ending from a very non-romantic beginning. Well done, Kim!
Next week, Kourtney views a live water birth, while Kris copes with her mother’s accelerating illness.
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