The Kardashians

Everyone’s favorite couple is back on our smallscreens! Seriously, what’s not to love about Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom? As we found out tonight on Season 2, Episode 1 “A Fine Bromance,” not much!

Wanna know what we mean? Well, time to get to recappin’!

The night opens with a tiny update on what everyone’s been up to since last season. Surprisingly, the only people with any real changes going on are Lamar (who is in the middle of the NBA lock out) and Rob, who last time we saw him was a chronically unemployed "loser" (to his his sister's word), but is now on a big star gunning for the Mirror Ball trophy on Dancing With the Stars! Jamie, Lamar’s BFF is still around, and so is Malika, Khloe’s bestie/former assistant.

So, life pre-Dallas move is pretty much business as usual. Rob moved out of Khloe and Lamar’s pad, and while that’s definitely good for a few reasons, it’s also causing a huge rift in Lamar and Rob’s bromance. Lamar seems pretty sad that he and Rob are spending less time together, but we must say he does a pretty mean Rob on Dancing with the Stars impersonation, so it’s not all bad.

But just because Rob’s out of her house doesn’t mean he’s out of his sister’s life. Oh, no.
Khloe and Malika show up to Rob’s new pad with a very adultlike present for the very not-so-adultlike Rob: a cutting board/serving tray. Then, Rob admits to Khloe he’s upset that Lamar never calls him back or comes to watch him perform on DWTS. Khloe feels totes stuck in the middle and tells him that’s something they’ll have to sort out. Like, you know, adults.

Luckily, Rob’s biological family is all about supporting him. The entire fam – Kris J, Bruce, Khloe, Kim, Kourt, and even baby Mason – show up to watch him, but Lamar’s nowhere to be found. Cue the “Wah wah wah.”

Back in L.A., Khloe fills us on in her and Lamar’s sex life, which is apparently pretty spicy, and of course, of intense interest to us. While life under covers sounds pretty awesome for Khlomar, Khlo admits it takes some work. So, her latest plan to “keep it fresh” in the sack is to install a sex swing in her and Lamar’s bedroom. By herself.  “What am I supposed to do, call the handy man and ask him to install a sex swing?” she jokes. Sadly, it breaks on the first try. Guess sometimes outside help really is necessary.

Meanwhile, Lamar’s “keepin it fresh” idea involves taking boxing class with Jamie. Oh yes, Jamie’s still around, in all his unshaven, chain sportin’ glory. At the ring, Lamar calls Rob a few times to no avail, which makes us wonder: Who’s avoiding who, again?

And things only continue to spiral down from there: Later, Rob blows off a lunch date with Khloe and Lamar, and Lamar is not happy, to say the least. And the tension mounts!

But we think Lamar might be happier very, very soon! With Rob out of the house (and the sex swing in the garbage), Khloe decides to try something else to keep things interesting. She and Malika go shopping and transform Rob’s old boudoir into the “sex chamber of love.” (Yes, Khloe actually calls it that. And no, we’re not surprised.) This involves hand cuffs, body-frosting, masks, rose petals, duct tape – you name it. When Lamar takes his first peek at the "sex den," he’s super stoked. “I haven’t seen this many sex toys since college,” he remarks. Us either, friend. Us either. But then, the unthinkable happens, and Lamar turns Khloe down. “It’s been a long week,” he says. Sure. And have a feeling it’s gonna be a long time since Lamar sees that room again!

Then, Khloe tries to play peacemaker/middleman between her brother-whom-she-loves and her husband-whom-she-loves, and tells Rob and Lamar to come to the gym because the other wants to work it out. Sure, it’s a lie, but it’s a white lie, so it should all be good, right? Wrong. Lamar shows up late, which pisses Rob off even more. So, what was supposed to be a little love-fest at the gym turns into a screaming/cursing match in the gym parking lot. “It’s not about the workout you little bitch,” Rob yells before driving off. This is really starting to feel like a bad breakup! Where's the ice cream?

A bad breakup and poor Khloe is stuck in the middle. At home, she tries to find out the real reason Lamar’s mad at this little bro-in-law and her guess is that he’s a little hurt his butt buddy moved out. Lamar won’t admit it right away, but he does tell the camera he sees Rob’s side. “Even though I’m not there, like I’m there. I think he just wants me there, like, in the physical,” he says. Couldn’t have said it better ourselves. 

Then, Lamar decides to drop by Rob’s pad unexpected and talk it out, like, you real brothers. Or lovers. Whatever. Anyway, Rob says he feels like Lamar only hangs out when it’s convenient for him, and doesn’t think so much about Rob’s feelings. Only child Lamar admits he doesn’t know how to do the big brother thing, but he’ll try harder. Or, in his words, “Like, I only want to have sex from the back, and you want to have sex from the front sometimes.” Yes, Lamar. Exactly like that.

Meanwhile, Khloe’s still stuck on the whole being rejected-in-the-sex-chamber-thing. But Lamar, sweetie that he is, explains it’s not all about the sexual stuff for him. “You can do that stuff with anybody,” he says, “but can you just chill with anybody?”  We guess we see the logic. Either way, Khloe realizes she doesn’t have to constantly up the ante with Lamar because their bond is so much deeper. And with that, Lamar motorboats Khloe. Now that’s true love, people! This is basically The Notebook of reality television.