We should start by noting that Episode 9 will be Glee’s first after the extended mid-season break, and won’t air until spring 2014. But spoiler site GleekOutBrasil— which, we should note, has a very high accuracy rate — is reporting that Kurt and Starchild (Glee celebrity guest star Adam Lambert) will sing The Darkness’s “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.”
We googled the lyrics to the song...and promptly started our freak out. “I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day / You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK! / Touching you, touching me / touching you, god you're touching me.”
No. No, no, no. We refuse to believe this is happening. Kurt will not be touching Starchild every hour of every day. And he sure as hell better not be kissing him, either.
Kurt, you just got engaged to Blaine. Engaged. Adam is crazy attractive, don’t get us wrong. But when Darren freaking Criss wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you do not go ruining it by sticking your tongue down Adam Lambert’s throat. You just don’t!
Look, we will fully admit that Kurt and Starchild have crazy amounts of chemistry. We noticed it from the first time they met. But at the end of the day, what is chemistry? The person makes you feel all tingly and excited? Great. That is not even close to being in love.
Love means knowing someone on a deep level. You know their strengths, you know their weaknesses, and you still care deeply for them all the same. Kurt and Blaine have that. Kurt and Starchild don’t. How could they? They only just met.
Kurt, you have a good thing going here. No, an awesome thing. Don’t go and ruin it because some stupid rush of chemicals in your brain said to. It’s just not worth it.