Len vs. David Arquette and Bruno Tonioli After Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba gushed over David’s Indiana Jones Paso Doble, even Tom Bergeron could sense trouble was coming. “Uh oh, uh oh,” Tom said, turning to Len, who told David, “I liked the entry in and I liked your attitude. After that, for me, it was all Temple of Doom.” The audience booed as Len went on about David’s bad body shaping and hands and stopping feet. David questioned the idea that he shouldn’t stomp his feet in the Paso. Len shouted that he shouldn’t stop like that as if he were stomping through a field. Bruno countered that David was being butch and strong. Then Len made a grievous error, telling Bruno, “I never saw that posture. I never saw the tight buttocks...” Well, Bruno can spot tight buttocks from a mile away and immediately stood up to point at David’s butt and show off his own. The night never recovered.
Len vs. Carson Kressley Apparently an expert on the subject, Len said of Carson’s pirate-themed Viennese Waltz: “It was like childbirth — terrible while it’s happening and a joy when it’s over.” Yikes. Amid the boos, Len said the dance had no finesse, no quality of movement and no technique. He summed things up with one of his classic backhanded compliments, telling Carson — despite the horror of his technique — if he were at home, he’d vote for Carson himself. Gee, thanks Dad. Then he held up a hook hand when flashing his “6” paddle, the lowest score of the night. Even unflappable Anna Trebunskaya ended up, uh, flapped by the criticism, tearing up in the confessionals about being a soft wench at heart.
Len vs. Nancy Grace & Tristan MacManus Sometimes Len’s little quips are funny and harmless but on a season where entertainment value seems more important than ever, his diss to Nancy and Tristan was a real stinger: “Well your dancing is competent but I can’t get excited because it’s not exciting. No real performance, lacked expression. It was OK but I can’t get excited about it.” When Len, of all people, calls your dance boring, it has to smart. Usually Len hates anything too exciting and he loved when Tristan choreographed “a proper Quickstep” as opposed to something nontraditional, so it was weird to hear Carrie Ann be the one to point out Nancy’s good technique.
Len vs. Hope Solo & Maksim Chmerkovskiy Len is just not on the Maks train this season. The judges have commented before about partners sparring in rehearsals and this week Len went off on two counts — one against Hope’s perceived lack of commitment and also against the two of them for the swearing and lack of teamwork in rehearsals. Len told Hope he gets frustrated. She could go all the way in the competition, but he wants more commitment from her as opposed to her soccer practice and marathons and all the other stuff she does during the week. He doesn’t want all the bleeps and swearing in front of Hope. Of course he swore himself and it was bleeped out, so he didn’t set the best example.
Len vs. Rob Kardashian and Carrie Ann Inaba The general theme of the night could probably be boiled down to Len vs. Carrie Ann. She gushed over Rob’s Paso Doble “spice and flavor” to the point where Len gave her a dirty look and basically doused her in cold water. Len said he didn’t mind the routine but he couldn’t go into raptures about it like her. In another classic backhanded compliment, Len compared Rob to a waiter handing out hors d'oeuvres, then said he overall he liked the dance. Bruno said the truth was in the middle of Len’s and Carrie Ann’s comments — then he stood up and almost hit Len again. Len just loves when he does that. Weirdly enough, all three judges gave Rob the same score of 8, so it was much ado about nothing.
Len vs. Carrie Ann again Len couldn't find fault with Ricki Lake, although he probably tried hard, and said Chaz Bono's Paso Doble wasn't a knockout but it was his best dance to date. He also loved J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff’s Foxtrot. We were all set for Len to end the night on a positive note. But it was not to be. Because, in an odd turn of events, Carrie Ann decided to play Len and say J.R.’s routine had too much humor. It fell a little flat for her and she even thought she saw a lift. Well! Len decided he didn’t want to sit between Carrie Ann and Bruno anymore. He wanted to take his ball and go home. He shouted that J.R. was the best male dancer of the night. The routine had just enough humor without going slapstick. He thought it was fabulous. But he was so mad about Carrie Ann’s critique that his compliments fired out like insults.