If celebrating America means a shirtless Maksim Chmerkovskiy wearing pleather pants with a stars-and-stripes tattoo on his side, we say God Bless the USA!
Speaking of “God Bless the USA,” that’s the song Hines Ward & Kym Johnson Rumba-ed to on their way to a score of 27 out of 30, the highest score of Dancing With the Stars Season 12 to date.
American Week was Yankee Doodle Dandy, despite some of the eight couples having to force their dances to fit the patriotic music. At the end of the night, the scores were very close. Kendra Wilkinson was still at the bottom of the leaderboard with 22 out of 30, but she was joined there by Petra Nemcova and — gasp! — Ralph Macchio, who had the thankless task of making a Brazilian dance celebrate Alabama. He should’ve called John “The Dance Doctor” Travolta for help!
Read on for a full recap of Week 5:
1. Ralph Macchio & Karina Smirnoff — Samba to “Sweet Home Alabama,” by Lynyrd Skynyrd — Cowboy up! He’s a New Yorker and she’s Russian and they have a Brazilian dance about Alabama. It’s certainly an unusual (Uncle) Samba. It seems pretty forced to fit this format. Len Goodman said we are halfway though the season and now we’re trying to differentiate between the contenders and the pretenders. Len said Ralph is not consistent. He needed better hip movements and rhythm. But it wasn’t terrible. Bruno Tonioli said it needed fire down below. And he wants sex. That’s pretty clear every week. Carrie Ann Inaba reminded everyone it’s American Week and she thought it was probably their most vivacious performance ever. Scores: 8, 7, 7 = 22 out of 30.
2. Chris Jericho & Cheryl Burke — Viennese Waltz to “America the Beautiful” — Chris gave Len a raspberry in the confessionals for giving him straight 7s. He wants an 8 (or higher). Chris is a soldier this week. There’s a huge smile plastered on his face. Bruno thought it was strong and elegant with a sweeping sense of romance. “It was absolutely wonderful.” Carrie Ann feels like in some weird way we’ve been underestimating Chris. Len commented on Cheryl’s “Rocky Mountains” (naughty!) and said Chris was a little bit flat-footed, but his posture was good. Scores: 9, 8, 9 = 26 out of 30. (He got his 8 from Len!)
3. Petra Nemcova & Dmitry Chaplin — Quickstep to "Viva Las Vegas," by Elvis Presley — Dmitry looks gooooood in his James Bond tux. She hadn’t heard of Elvis growing up in the Czech Republic under Communism. They didn’t allow Western influences. Her dance was a big thank you to everyone in the U.S. She’s adorable. Their dance is Las Vegas-themed with a huge “Casino” sign by the stage. At the end, they threw casino chips at the judges. Carrie Ann said Petra took a bit of a step back and she had some stumbles and a little out of sync in places. Len said it’s a very fast dance and she coped very well with the speed of the music and the difficulty of the steps. Bruno said she was “the golden goddess of speed.” She had some footfalls but the quality was very good. Scores: 7, 7, 8 = 22 out of 30.
4. Romeo & Chelsie Hightower — Foxtrot to “Theme from New York, New York" by Frank Sinatra — Romeo was excited about going farther on DWTS than his dad, Master P, back on Season 2. That’s like getting excited about running faster than a snail. They look especially elegant out there, she in a sleek white gown and he in top hat and tails. Len said there were still bits and pieces he’s not happy with, but Romeo is a charming guy and he’s on the right road. Bruno said it was a cheeky, well-danced Foxtrot with swagger. Carrie Ann said it was so cool and so sophisticated. He has his own unique style. Romeo dedicated the dance to a friend’s mom with cancer. Last week he said it was going to be dedicated to the troops. Scores: 9, 8, 9 = 26 out of 30.
5. Hines Ward & Kym Johnson — Rumba to “God Bless the USA," by Lee Greenwood — Hines struggles with being romantic and he and Kym accidentally beat each other up in rehearsals. Bruno said the dance had ease of move and musicality and just the right amount of sensuality. Carrie Ann said Hines made it look so easy. She said he had the best hip action she’d seen in a long time. Len said it didn’t feel forced. It had an ease and elegance that was charming. He thought it was Hines’ best dance so far. Scores: 9, 9, 9 = 27 out of 30.
6. Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Foxtrot to "American Woman," by The Guess Who— Kirstie said Maks is never subtle. It looks like he finally had a mini-tantrum. It was only a matter of time. Kirstie brought in John Travolta as “The Dance Doctor.” He suggested she wear sneakers and asked “What’s going on here?” romance-wise. Kirstie said nothing. John said that was the problem, because the audience could sense the sexual tension. He wanted Kirstie & Maks to go off and “Do something about it.” He also wants Maks to tell Kristie he loves her, and not just in Russian. Funny. That’s her gimmick of the week! Carrie Ann called the dance bold, ambitious, and “borderline crazy.” Overall, it was magical and her best dance ever. Len said it had attitude and lots of basic steps, but the overall feel of it wasn’t his cup of tea. Bruno said the Cold War was definitely over. She is the American woman and he’s the Russian gigolo. (He’s Ukrainian!) Then Bruno tried to buy some sexy time with Maks. Hey, he said he wanted sex and where better to get it? Scores: 8, 7, 8 = 23 out of 30.
7. Kendra Wilkinson & Louis van Amstel — Foxtrot to the classic “Yankee Doodle Dandy” — They got the landmark 1,000th dance! During the rehearsal package, Kendra went on again about Carrie Ann’s “elegance” comment from last week. She felt attacked. Carrie Ann made her feel like “trash.” As Louis put it gently, Kendra is very sensitive to the sexy-elegant issue. Kendra needs thicker skin, stat. She also needs a less bizarre costume. But no one can call it unpatriotic! What a weird Foxtrot song. Len said it was much better than last week. It was fun and entertaining. Bruno said it was sweet as apple pie, but he could still see her thinking it. Carrie Ann said this was the most confident he’s ever seen Kendra. In the Celebriquarium, Kendra said she understood that Carrie Ann meant well, the comment last week just came at the wrong time of the month. Scores: 8, 7, 7 = 22 out of 30.
8. Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas — Samba to “Party in the USA,” by Miley Cyrus — It’s the party dance. Miley is a Disney girl and so is Chelsea. Mark is working his hips like yeah for sure, but their costumes are ridiculous. Is he supposed to be doing a Bruce Springsteen thing? More like the Village People. But his abs are ferocious. Hot! Bruno said Chelsea had all the positive energy of America and the sizzle and excitement of Brazil. She is clean, her placement is so good. Carrie Ann said Chelsea & Mark dance so well together. It was “fantastic.” Len said “Yum, yum, what a bum.” (Is Len the new Bruno?) She messed up a bit in one part, but otherwise it was a lot of fun. Scores: 9, 8, 9 = 26 out of 30.
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