This week's episode of Jersey Shore packed in gaudy ear bling and atomic grenades, just to name a few crazy events. Here are our 5 favorite moments from Jersey Shore Season 3, Episode 12 (original air date March 17, 2011).
5. A box of meatballs
At the top of the episode, Sam and Ronnie — still high off the fumes of the whole sexting fiasco — filled the house with the dulcet sounds of their screaming voices. Drunk, and petrified of hearing mom and dad fight, Snooki and Deena did what they know best — they hid in cardboard boxes, pretending like they were in spaceships. The most adorable part, of course, was watching as Deena's little PORG (that's "person of restricted growth"," btw) body became lodged in her spaceship box. Bless her!
4. Jack of all trades?
We knew that Danny was kind of a jack of all trades. After all, he's not only the gang's landlord, he's also their boss. But did anybody guess that he's also an ear piercing pro? (And while we're at it — did anybody else notice that Vinny's new earrings seemed to give him unstoppable d-bag superpowers? Seriously, those tacky jewels turned him from a sweet little guido into a raging asshat). Anyway, we found Danny's ear piercing side business to be frighteningly back-alley. We mean, would you trust him to poke a hole in your body? Don't forget, this is the very same guy who left the housemates wallowing in their own grotesquely backed-up toilet filth earlier in the season. (Although in his defense, the kids probably waited for weeks before telling him they had a problem. )
3. Leftover grenades from WW2
Last night's episode was packed full of over-the-hill guidettes gone wild (we'll get to Ron's Drunky McDrunkerson mother in a second) — especially when the gang hit up Aztec (which, like its cultural namesake, seemed dead as a doornail). Not only did Pauly have to contend with his bunny-boiling stalker, Danielle, but he was also accosted by a fleet of 50-something grenades. The cougars' fearless leader, aptly dubbed the "warrior," was described by Pauly as "an atomic bomb about to blow up." Which, hey, sounds a hell of a lot more fun than the two lamebots Pauly and Vinny ended up bringing home.
2. Mike is the worst.
Last week we ranted about Mike's tendency to transform into a raging a-hole at the end of every season, but wow! — nothing could prepare us for how much he shocked and appalled us in last night's shiz-show. Listen, we get that nobody in the house wants to see Ron and Sam back together, least of all their roommate, Mike. But c'mon, there's counseling a friend, and then there's filling his head with all sorts of half-baked (and, sorry guys, sexist!) nonsense; there's trying to helpfully intervene, and then there's intentionally and aggressively broadcasting a couples' dirty laundry for everybody to see. If we were Sammi, we would have delighted in watching Mike bomb — no, implode — during his painfully botched attempt at comedy earlier this week at the Comedy Central's Roast of Donald Trump. What goes around comes around, right?
1. Drunk dialing amazingness
Ron's mother's ridiculously hilarious drunk phone chat with the house definitely earned a place in the Jersey Shore Hall of Shame. But apart from the sheer ZOMG-factor of the whole, j'amazingly pathetic affair, that 5-minute drunk-dial taught us more about Ron than anything else we've witnessed in the past 3 seasons. A mother who's not only half-bagged at 11 a.m., but who obviously despises her son's girlfriend? A woman whose son calls her a huge embarrassment to the entire family? Two words, kiddies: mommy issues! Also, the old gal kind of seemed, well, bonkers, right? — which most definitely helps explain some of Ron's more, shall we say, aggressive personality traits (the guy did single-handedly destroy an entire Ikea bedroom set). Like our mama always said to us: "You plant a potato, you get a potato." Now ain't that the truth.
MORE FROM THE SHORE:
What's the Deal With Sammi's Naked Pic?
"You Came Here to Do Sex" and Other Awesome Quotes From JS Season 3, Episode 12