Hot Mess of the Week: Juan Pablo Has a Stinkin’ Good Time in New Zealand
This week on The Bachelor, Juan Pablo Galavis morphed into a sheepdog and herded his group of bachelorettes into a field filled with traumatized baby lambs. It was a moment so beautiful, so profound, that it had to be relegated to the rolling credits at the end of the episode, but also a moment that cemented Juan Pablo's second week as a Hot Mess.
You see, not only did Juan Pablo and his flock skip gleefully throughout the hills of New Zealand while dripping wet and wearing bikinis, Juan Pablo decided to throw poo at everyone. We repeat: Juan Pablo picked up sheep fecal matter in his bare hands and started hurling it at his semi-nude sister-wives. As in, he was LITERALLY throwing excrement at them while they giggled in ecstasy.
We'll give you a moment to process this information and pour yourself another jug of Envolve. We're not sure anyone — not even the most educated psychologist — will ever understand the subtle nuances of this precious poo-filled moment on The Bachelor, but Chris Harrison's face while Juan Pablo was recounting his epic poo journey pretty much sums up our feelings. Shock, horror, disbelief, and vacant grinning in the face of pure terror.
We're judging you, Juan Pablo. But we're also judging ourselves for continuing to be in love with you despite the fact that you uttered the following sentence on camera: "Whoever steps in the most poops wins!"
It's moments like these that we question The Bachelor, but then we realize that said questioning is completely ridiculous because this show is perfect and flawless in every way. If Juan Pablo wants to make proverbial love in a field of feces, let him. LEAVE BRITNEY JUAN PABLO ALONE, everyone!
Now excuse us while we book an appointment with our therapist — a.k.a. a blow-up replica of Chris Harrison.
Who do you think deserves the Hot Mess of the Week award? Tell us in the comments!