Credit: Piotr Sikora/ VH1

Each week, Mob Wives: New Blood star Renee Graziano will recap the previous night’s episode, from her point of view. Here, she live-caps the Season 4 reunion, giving candid thoughts on her road to recovery, facing off with Natalie Guercio, and the strained relationship between her and longtime friend — or is it just co-star? — Drita D’Avanzo.


So, it’s finally over… Thank God. I love doing the show but I am looking forward to a much-needed break from it and from the drama. It’s time for me to do some real soul-searching and figure out what it is that I want to do with myself and my brand moving forward. With that said, I'm hitting the airplane! First stop, LA tomorrow for another book signing, press, and the Oscars activities… Sooo excited. After that, in between now and promoting my second book, I plan to go back to the Bahamas. I've been going there since I was a kid with my dad and it’s just a nostalgic place for me that feels like home — but yet doesn't. Maybe a trip to Cabo as well. Best believe I am getting a few places in during the break to decompress.

Now on to my recap of the final episode/the reunion:

Re-watching everything that happened in Vegas was hard for me. Yes, I relapsed… never said I didn't. And yes, it started when I thought I could have a drink or two. And for a little bit it was working, but then Vegas came and along with it came my fear and anxiety of flying. At that point, I mixed Xanax with it and it all went downhill from there.

As far as Natalie trying to call out all of my transgressions, that's what a rat does. Nat the Rat strikes again. And guess what? Don’t speak my truths and expect me to hide your lies. So sorry, Nat, like I said, DON'T PRETEND TO KNOW OR CARE ABOUT MY RECOVERY WHEN YOU ARE PURPOSELY TRYING TO SABOTAGE IT.  Now — can anyone understand what I meant by a set up in Vegas? I was told by several people that that was her agenda.

As far as Drita and Ang, I do feel that you guys went against me and didn't take my side like you should have. If you felt I was wrong then, you should have taken me aside and told me separately instead of sitting around a table calling me names and laughing at me. Yes, you did: spoiled brat, Bugsy Siegel, etc. They may be silly names, but they’re still a stab in the back. I feel you should have respected our history — we have known eachother for years, you sat at my kitchen table and ate with my family, you came to family parties. So for you to go against me for someone you just met isn't right. That's what I meant by loyalty. But I'm over it, we moved on.

And yes, I do admit I am not a tough guy. I talk tough because that's really how I feel at the moment, but in my heart I don't ever want to act on it. But I will if I have to, and I will worry about the consequences later. As far as my fight with Natalie, I was under the influence, being provoked and acting out of my character. I reacted because I won't bow down either. That's that.

Credit: VH1

Moving right along...

Twitter/Twatter — like I said, I tweet to promote the show and tweet about stuff that was on the show. Alicia herself brought up her husband’s alleged indiscretions on the show, so that's her fault if her kids know or read it. Natalie stooped low and tweeted low blows that had nothing to do with the show. And here is my question: What is the difference between tweeting negative things yourself or re-tweeting negative things that other people write? That is what EVERYONE, including Alicia, has done. So please, stop with the bulls—. And guess what, Natalie? My son reads Twitter and you obviously have no remorse for what he read. I can admit I am wrong, but this kid never can. Young, evil, and twisted — that's all it is.

“50 Shades of Renee” is obviously my favorite vignette — it's all about me! Let’s start with: I'm not afraid of anything or anyone in this world except Junior. He did not get out, thank God. He was transferred to another facility and people thought he was getting out. For now, I'm just gonna live life until I know when he is actually coming out.

As far as my Mob Candy collection, it is doing amazing. I am pleasantly surprised at the success of the line.

My next book, Playing With Fire, will be released on April 8th. It is a fun, sexy, mob thriller — just like my life, lol! Writing this book has been very therapeutic to me, as I took certain people and certain instances of my life, fictionalized them, and created what I think is a good read for any woman. Writing it also gave me a good reason to do my best to avoid the drama. That’s why I didn't freak when Natalie tried — and I say tried — to steal my thunder at my own party. Because my book and my future is waaaay more important than she is. She is truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Alicia's sentencing and its current state is so sad to me.  I have said this before and I will say it again: No matter what the outcome is, I will be there for her and her kids if she needs anything. She is a great mother and her kids deserve to have her around forever.

Ang and Neil, best couple around. I wish them all the blessings in the world with the new additions to their family.

My argument with Alicia is rehashed again. Yes, it makes me sad because it should never have happened, and we should never have listened to outside people who were fueling the fire. As far as me and Carla talking about her on national TV? Hmm, wasn't she talking about me and Carla on national TV? Wasn't she insinuating I was a leak, and insinuating Carla did something wrong with her husband? She brought up Carla first and then attacked me. So sorry, honey, it's called defending ourselves.

Credit: VH1

Now on to Drita's outburst...

Drita, as far as me hanging out with Karen Gravano… Yes, she is my friend. And yes, we hung out. I have known you both for years and years. I was friends with both of you, and I was thrown in the middle. Sure, I sat with her and listened to her about what was going on between the two of you, as it pertained to your husband. And yes, I also sat with you and listened to you talk about what was going on with her. I was trying to be the mediator, just like you were on this season. So what's your point?

Never once did I throw you under the bus. Never once did I perpetuate what they were saying. I listened and was neutral. You supposedly did the same thing this season — so why is it good for you and not for me?

Then you have the nerve to say, "The next time you want to hang out with ex-girlfriends you're gonna get hurt”?  Is that a threat?! I will NOT shut up. And I will hang out with whomever I want! You hung out with her, too — both before and AFTER all of this happened — so what are you really talking about?   

This tough girl act is actually getting really tired if you ask me. And I'm curious: Where was it when Natalie was sitting across the table from you and calling you out? Seems like you're only comfortable doing it to me cause you know I'm not going to fight back. And don't get it twisted, I know you could probably hurt me, but I am NOT scared. I was hit by Junior — who is like 10 of you — so that part is NOT what I am worried about. I'm sitting there baffled and hurt that you are yelling and screaming at me like this. Fighting is not my nature, like I said above. And I have more respect for our history and thought we were friends. You can't even look me in the eye while you're yelling because you know you are wrong. Friends don't talk to friends that way. But wait, we weren't friends… or were we? Because you can't seem to make up your mind.

As the days have passed since the reunion, I can't seem to shake this feeling of confusion and hurt as to why she was speaking to me like that and why she threatened me that way. It's been bothering me, and sitting on my mind and heart the entire time. But then, I thought long and hard and realized that Drita, this seems to be your M.O. When Karen Gravano first came home you were all huggy and kissy, saying, “I love you, miss you, we had so much fun together in the past!” But then when you didn't like what she was saying, all of a sudden you started claiming you were never friends.

Same thing with Carla! When Karen and Ramona were against you, Carla was your best friend. As soon as you made up with them, she became your "co-star". She even claims that you don't even call her anymore. So now, when your fans are attacking you for not defending me, all of a sudden I’m not your friend either. Really? But two seconds later — in the same scene — you yourself agree with me that I was a better friend to you than anyone else.  Make up your mind, because your definition of friendship is a bit schizophrenic!

Here's how I see it: YOU ARE 100% WRONG HERE. You want to talk about Season 2? Well, did you forget about about when I yelled at Ramona and Karen saying, “Enough is enough,” in your defense? Do you remember when I jumped in between the two of you on the rooftop because I didn’t want you guys to fight?

I never took sides! I was always in the middle (literally) of two friends who I had known for years, which is why I didn’t take sides. But again, I never went against you. Actually, I defended you. So sorry, but I think you owe me an apology.

Just like you had to get what you said on the reunion off your chest, well, I had to get this off my chest. I would have said it on-camera that day if I wasn't in such shock at your crazy, misplaced outburst, which took me off guard. I probably would have never even said any of this but, sorry, you don't get to threaten me and tell me “I'm lucky you didn't break my head on national TV,”  and have me not say anything back. I think I am well within my means here. I am still in shock and hurt to be quite honest… But, like you, I have to say what I have to say. And I have no problem talking it out over a cup of coffee.

Now, the reunion is coming to an end and we are speaking about the men in our lives. Love my AJ!

And last but not least: All I can say is that this reunion was all about me. Hmm, what would VH1 and Mob Wives do without me? Just saying.