Credit: Richard Foreman/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney Photo: Claire and Phil Run Into Duane Bailey in Season 3, Episode 5: “Hit and Run”

What's funnier than a brand new episode of Modern Family? How about reading back over all the LOL-worthy zingers from this week's comedic vigilante of a show! Here's our pick for the best quotes from Episode 5, "Hit and Run".

9. Phil: "If you wanna fly, I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground. I wanna be the one to push you off the cliff."

Phil always has a sweet way with words, no?   

8. Claire: "We need a stop sign at our intersection."
Councilman Bailey: "God, everyone says that. But pretty soon, we're stopping at every single corner. Why don't you ask Canada how that's working out."

What's he talking aboot, eh?

7. Cameron, just before the car is rear-ended: "Oooh, runaway curly fry! You know, these are good luck."

We'd hate to see what a bad-luck fry does.

6. Phil: "I'll admit it, I'm turned on by powerful women: Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams...Wait a minute."

I believe this is what Oprah refers to as an A-ha! moment.

5. Mitchell, to Cameron, Jay, and Phil: "I'll see you in jail. It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you."

That's what she said.

4. Manny: "I want to be home-schooled."
Gloria: "Really, Manny, do you really want me to learn you English?"

Actually, she may have a point.

3. Gloria: "What does he mean by 'more wow'?"
Manny: "It's the Bieber-ization of America."
Jay: "What do beavers have to do with anything?"  
Gloria: "The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there's no floods — is the beaverization of the Americas."
Manny: "I'm finding there's less and less we can talk about."

And this, folks, is why Modern Family is an Emmy-winning machine.

2. Mitchell, tackling Haley's ID scammer: "Help, he's slipping out of his skinny jeans!"

When hipsters attack.

1. Claire, looking at a zonked-out Alex: "What's wrong with her?"
Phil: "Growth spurt?"
Claire: "What's wrong with her?"
Phil: "I drugged her."

Hey, at least he didn't punch her! Oh, wait...