Credit: Peter "Hopper" Stone/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney Photo: Claire Gives a Speech on Modern Family Season 3, Episode 13

The combination of word-vomit, swearing toddlers, and use of the word “pervert” is the perfect recipe for a LOLercoaster ride of hilarity on Modern Family Season 3, Episode 13: “Little Bo Bleep.” Let’s all take a look at the top ten quotes from Wednesday night’s episode. Oh, and before we begin, please join us in a prayer for Jay’s (Ed O'Neill) puppy, Stella, who is probably trying to commit doggie-cide as we speak.

10. Cam (Eric Stonestreet) brags to the camera: “I was a three-time ring bearer.”

Sigh, Cam. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

9. Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) worries about Lily’s (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) flower girl dress: “She’s going to look like Little Bo Peep.”

Cam: “Or Little Bo Cheap. Look at this fabric, it’s already pilling.”

That light-up skirt would be the height of elegance if it weren’t for the pilling.

8. Jay questions Gloria: “Why don’t you greet me at the door wagging your tail?”

Yeah, why?

7. Phil (Ty Burrell) gets emotional: “Some day, I’ll walk you down the aisle.”

Haley (Sarah Hyland): “If you’re not in perv jail.”

Which he will be.

6. Jay: “Stella fell in the pool!”

Manny (Rico Rodriguez): “It’s my fault, I let her out and then I got caught up in my couponing.”

Manny is destined to star on a TLC reality show.

5. Cam explains his giggles: “You know I have two weaknesses: Children cursing and old people rapping.”

Well, and sad clowns.

4. Duane Bailey takes down Phil: “Here in America we celebrate Valentine’s Day with chocolates, not our private parts.”

Clearly, Duane is living in an alternate universe.

3. Luke (Nolan Gould) checks out Lily: “She looks like a Lite-Brite.”

Someone turn that girl off!

2. Duane Baily real-talks: “I’m afraid that doggy suicide is all too real, it’s just the mainstream media doesn’t report on it because it’s not as sexy as feline AIDS.”

Nothing is sexier than feline AIDS.

1. Phil makes an announcement: “I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert.”

Always a great way to start a conversation.

Catch the next new episode of Modern Family on Wednesday, February 1 at 9 pm ET/PT on ABC.

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