This week, the Dunphys and Pritchetts revealed their deep, dark secrets — and they were as completely hilarious as you'd expect. Check out the top 10 quotes from Modern Family Season 3, Episode 16: “Virgin Territory.”

 

10. Manny (Rico Rodriguez) is a true ladies man: "I can't unlearn how to treat a lady."

 We can't unlearn how to love Manny.

 

9. Phil (Ty Burrell) mourns the loss of Lily's (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) doll: "I’m sorry, Doc, I’m having trouble adjusting to all this."

That doll is so lucky to have someone like Phil on her team.

8. Alex (Ariel Winter) snarks at Haley (Sarah Hyland): "The only stage you're ever going to jump on has a pole on it."

We hope Alex is referring to Haley's professional tetherball aspirations.

 

7. Phil offers Cam (Eric Stonestreet) his special services: "Can I give you a Swedish massage, accent optional?"

Clearly, this is a rhetorical question.

 

6. Gloria (Sofia Vergara) hates on Lily's doll: "Do you know what a doll is in my village? An apple on a fork."

As you might expect, doll cannibalism is rampant there.

 

5. Jay (Ed O'Neill) reveals the truth: "Remember when l told you I couldn't get to your figure skating semi-final because I was stuck at work? Well, by stuck I meant drunk, and by work I meant at the golf course."

Daddy of the year!

 

4. Luke (Nolan Gould) side-eyes Lily: "We used to be the cute ones, now she gets all the attention. We need to take her down."

The old Lily is probably more than willing to help with this plan.

 

3. Phil arranges a peace-talk: "We're going to have to settle this in court. The food court."

The only place better than Night Court.


2. Manny chats about his crush: "She’s like a dream, wrapped in a wish, poured into jeggings."

All she's missing are some Uggs!

 

1. Gloria complains about Claire (Julie Bowen): "Do you see how she gives me the cold shoulders?"

Sounds like someone could use a warming Swedish shoulder-rub.


Catch the next new episode of Modern Family on Wednesday, February 29 at 9 pm ET/PT on ABC.

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