Fresh off of five Emmy wins, Season 3 of Modern Family began with a ye-haw as the Dunphys and Pritchetts headed off to the wild, wild west for an old-fashion family vacation.
Macho, Macho Men
Upon their arrival in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, (complete with a greeting from a cowboy named Hank, of course) the men of Modern Family are each on a quest to find their inner macho man, and we mean that in the non-Village People sense. With Lily now officially a toddler, Cameron and Mitchell reveal their desire to adopt a bouncing baby boy (foreigners need not apply) but both are concerned that they lack certain manly qualities. Like the ability to catch.
Meanwhile, Phyllis, er, Phil, is desperate to prove to Jay that he has as much testosterone as Buffalo Bill, but he seems more in line with Woody from Toy Story, a fact that everyone but Phil is aware of.
Jimmy — another young guest at the ranch — and quite possibly a future member of the Jersey Shore cast, annoyingly follows Alex around until he unexpectedly kisses her in front of a now talkative Lily. Straight-laced Alex is appalled. In fact, she’s so appalled that she tracks down the lil’ grease ball and demands her first kiss back — only to be kissed again. Alex’s raging hormones get the best of her and she kisses Tony Soprano once more before running away.
Alex isn’t the only Dunphy woman taken aback by a dramatic gesture of love. Sweet, innocent Dylan proposes to Haley around the campfire, but Bossy (Claire’s accurate new nickname) shoots him down before he can even sing about it. Way harsh, Bossy.
When Dylan runs away — presumably to be alone with his thoughts — Bossy gets the blame and the cowboys of Lost Creek Ranch (some genuine, others not so genuine) break off into groups to find him.
Meanwhile, Mitchell’s masculine efforts have been less than successful, and he starts to doubt his ability to properly parent a son. Leave it to a firecracker-bearing Luke to teach Mitch the numero uno lesson about boys: Sometimes they just like to blow shit up. Mitchell’s confidence is restored and he’s one step closer to adopting a mini destructer of his own.
While scouring the woods for Dylan, Haley reveals that she had no intention of marrying him — a fact that leaves Claire both surprised and relieved — but no more relieved then when he’s found and informs the ladies that he will be staying in Wyoming as a ranch hand.
Buffalo Phil finally has a chance to prove his manhood to his father-in-law when a skittish Jay — blinded by the thought of Hank flirting with Gloria — can’t control his horse. They arrive just in time to see Hank place his hand on Gloria’s perfect bottom, and soon after that the family heads home. Haley leaves Dylan behind (much to Claire’s delight) and Alex kisses her pizza pie goodbye.