Kids are pretty much the most hilarious thing ever. They’re like little pint-sized comedians, whether they know they’re being funny or not (and most times they don’t!). Not only that, but they surprisingly logical at times, making us parents think, "wait, why didn't I think of that?" Because every mom loves a good "he/she said what?" story, here are some of the funniest things my kid has said lately.
Scene: A local restaurant during March Madness 2010, where 2-year-old Colin spies a guy dressed in head-to-toe North Carolina Tarheels gear.
Colin: Go Tarheels!
Gentleman: Huh? Oh, yeah. Go ‘Heels! (Then, finally catching whiff of Colin’s head of massive curls) Holy smokes — I like your hair!
Colin: Thanks! That’s a compliment! I like…
[He looks at me for help. After all, he’s 2. And he’s doesn’t know how to reciprocate a compliment about hair to a guy without any hair at all. And I’m not exaggerating. Not a single one.]
Me: Tell him you like the clean look.
Colin: I like your clean look!
Gentleman: Oh yeah? What do you like about it?
[I’m totally aghast. He knew I was only trying to help my kid out. He knew Colin was just trying to be nice. We were being neighborly. And now he’s challenging my 2-year-old son about the merits of being Bic-bald? I was steaming. But while I was steaming, I hear…]
Colin: It’s awesome. You use less shampoo!
Scene: Our local Target, where we are walking behind a tall and thin (very tall and very thin) woman with two bows tattooed on the back of her (perfectly sculpted) legs.
Colin: Mama, that girls drew bows on her legs.
Me: She sure did, kiddo.
Girl: Actually, I didn’t draw them. I went to a store and someone there did it for me. He used a special pen so that they would never go away. They’ll be there forever. Isn’t that cool?
Colin: Yes, I guess.
[The girl — and her perfectly sculpted calves — walk away.]
Colin looks at me and says, “Mama, that girls has bow legs. And she’ll have them forever.”
The girl’s voice is fading as she says, it seems, for the first time, “I have bow legs…”
Scene: Our house, as we watch a 2013 basketball game. The commentators are suggesting that the Miami Heat, specifically a heavily-tattooed LeBron James, need to play better defense to win the series.
Colin: Mama, maybe LeBron James would play better defense if he didn’t spend so much time before games drawing on himself with markers.
Scene: Colin and I reading a Curious George book, where I take every opportunity to explain all of George’s bad decisions.
Colin: Mama, you’re right: George does make bad decisions. But the Man with the Yellow Hat is a terrible parent. George wouldn’t do so many bad things if the Man would stay with him and watch what George is doing.
Scene: A conversation between Colin and me, as we discuss other people's bad decisions:
Me: I know that [person] made a bad decision, but when other people make bad decisions, we don't talk about it to them. It just makes them feel bad. And we want to make people feel happy. So, when you see a bad decision, know it's bad, but don't talk about it with them, okay?
Colin: But, Mama, people talk about Snow White's bad decisions. They talk about how she walked away from her family, how she took an apple from someone she didn't know or love, and how, when she met that guy named Prince, she went with him to his castle, even though she didn't know him. Those are all bad decisions. And people talk about them in all those books. Everyone talks about her bad decisions. Why is that okay?
What hilarious things have your kids said lately? Tell us below!