Ever wonder what your little one is really thinking? Well, you might want to check out The Honest Toddler, a hilarious parody Twitter feed that purports to be penned by — you guessed it — one very truthful little tot. (Okay, so it’s actually run by one hilarious anonymous adult, but whatever — the observations are freakin’ hilarious!)
With more than 160,000 followers, the Honest Toddler speaks his mind on behalf of toddlers worldwide, with the tagline, “Not potty trained. Not trying.” Not only is this ornery little toddler taking over Twitter, but he already has a book deal — because, you know, if the Kardashians can do it, so can he! You can find the Honest Toddler’s debut in stores in May 2013.
For your amusement, we’ve rounded up our 15 favorite gems from the Honest Toddler’s Twitter feed. Get ready!
“It’s amazing how some people think they’re in charge of deciding to has to wear pants and when.”
“I'm just a child. Standing in front of a parent. Asking them to love me. And bring me Saltines. And red drink. And some lunch meat.”
“Asked for a second bedtime story. You would have thought I requested launch codes. Nevermind.”
“I guess she needs a break from loving me. Or time alone to eat half a box of cereal I dunno.”
“Pooed in the bath. From the way she's looking at me you'd think I robbed a church.”
“Daddy hurt my feelings. His exact words were ‘Eat your breakfast.’ Can't stop crying.”
“Gave my aunt a gummi bear made of playdough and she only pretended to eat it. A little hurt. I ate mine.”
“Asked if fish have butts. They laughed. That's the last time I put myself out there.”
“Trying to figure out who my friends are: How many of you knew about waffle cones but failed to say anything?”
“Can't stand when he tries to get between us. Mommy and I share a connection, the remnants of which only recently fell off my belly button.”
“No point in going to daddy. I honestly believe he is scared of her.”
“The twisted expression of pure pain and grief held together by a web of mucous and tears...I am a maestro. A maestro of emotion.”
"’Stop crying.’ Oh ok let me find the button that TURNS OFF MY FEELINGS.”
“Gravity thinks it's so special making me fall down in front of my friends”
“Love means being happy to see someone no matter what time it is even if that person has peed through all their clothes.”
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