Friday in Boston was tense for hundreds of residents who were confined to their houses for hours on end as SWAT teams searched door to door for the Boston bombings suspect. Behind one door was an Esquire editor who would later describe himself as “trapped” in an “alien” apartment with his one-night-stand and the confused roommate who wore “a distinct ‘who the hell is this guy?’ look on her face.”

I’d say we’ve all been there, but I would be totally lying. I am so new to the age-old idea of a one-night stand, but I respect what it represents for single young chaps. I do not, however, respect Dan McCarthy’s 800-word complaint letter about the “awkwardness” of having to stay inside the safe walls of the house while a terrorist ran loose through the city.

Honestly, some people just have no idea that the world is larger than just them. Hey Dan, there were families in Boston who were also confined to their houses as they hugged their loved ones close and prayed for the terror to end. There were families who were struggling with how to explain to their young children why they couldn’t go play outside. There were families who were still picking up the pieces from the initial bombing on Monday, as the guy who did it was still on the loose.

I am willing to bet that one house over from that “alien” apartment you were “trapped” in there was someone crying with fear.

Oh, and I love how you added the fact that you and your one-night stand left the apartment to head to Dunkin Donuts against the Governor’s orders. Because of course that mandate never applied to you.

Look, I understand that you have a job to do, but I don’t think for one second that documenting your personal sexual experiences with your call girl during a day when the entire nation was watching anxiously for the suspect to be captured should have ever crossed your mind. Like, ever as in never in a million, bajillion, trillion years.

If I had been that girl (although I’m happy engaged, holla!), I would have appreciated watching CNN with you and my roommate after you politely introduced yourself as the guy I slept with last night. That would have 1) squashed the awkwardness and 2) made me feel more secure about what was happening with all those policemen outside my door.

One last thought: The way you transcribed your day sounded like you went to full term of the lockdown “reeking of stout and sex.” Maybe you should’ve asked if you could take a shower? I’m sure the girls would have appreciated at least that portion of your super “awkward” visit.

Source: Esquire


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