Monique Is a Stick in the Mud: ANTM Cycle 16, Episode 6
Practicing autographs and playing in the mud was all the rage on America's Next Top Model Cycle 16, Episode 6 (March 30, 2011). Just another Wednesday night.
The Fame Game: Tyra is at the house for a very important lesson on modeling archetypes. For some reason, we thought each girl would be a single and distinct archetype, but no, Kasia is Bombshell/Couture, Hannah and Jaclyn are both Girls Next Door, and Alexandria is an Edgy Bombshell. There are Bombshells abound, actually. Tyra doesn’t even announce Athletic/Edgy Molly or Girl Next Door Hannah, so maybe they’re only part-time archetypes. Anyway, moving on. There’s a dry erase board with all sorts of fame equations on it. The two most important things you need to be famous, it seems, are a super cute autograph (without hearts!) and very thick “piel.” The Internets can hurt real bad. The girls practice their signatures in notebooks like an old-school penmanship class. Tyra also stresses the importance of having boundaries with fans. Speaking of boundaries, Molly finally has nice big one between her head and that “crazy animal” that used to be on it. Weave-less at last!
Models and Future Stalkers Unite!: The models meet up with Miss J for a Cycle 16 Meet the Cast outdoor autograph challenge. They greet “fans” and schmooze for awhile with varying degrees of success. Kasia looks like she was born to do this. Alexandria is also super chatty (much to Molly’s chagrin). Monique is bored and irritated, so luckily something very awkward happens to break up the monotony. A guy named James approaches her asking if she’s on websites, which we imagine is a pick-up line he’s used before. When she goes to sign her photo, James says, “You could write ‘I’m a good kisser’ on it.” Monique replies, “Maybe Alexandria will do that for you,” and in the five feet between Monique and Alexandria, this becomes about actual kissing. Alexandria looks a little weirded out. Understandably. Then she kisses him on the cheek. Not understandably.
The grades are in. Miss J says Alexandria needs to not kiss people to avoid stalkers. He also remarks that Monique looked bored to death. Which is why she sent James to Alexandria, of course. Kasia wins the challenge and picks Jaclyn and Brittani to accompany her on a fancy dinner with Miss J. The rest of the girls, sadly, have to clean up after their litterbug “fans” and eat sandwiches. Monique is absolutely disgusted by this, wishes food poisoning on the girls at dinner, and comes close to an emotional breakdown at the house since she hasn’t won anything yet. Busy day!
Posing Literally As a Group: Literal groups covered in mud. It’s the blondes versus the brunettes for this photo shoot. On Team Blonde, Hannah and Molly really connect, perhaps because they are actually intertwined the center of the photo. Kasia struggles a little bit on the end, but pulls it together in later frames. After Jay asks Kasia to move her arm, Alexandria asks her to move it back, and she gets yelled at for directing once again. On Team Brunette, Monique is not stretching her neck enough, Mikaela is not fiercing her eyes enough, and no one is doing enough of anything to top Brittani, who poses so well, the photographer stops to take individual frames of her.
High Fashion Brunettes and Commercial Blondes: First, the judges evaluate the brunettes. It turns out Monique’s problem was she needed to slouch, not stretch, but also not look so relaxed. Huh. Jaclyn thinks she did badly, but the judges think it’s awesome. Tyra commends her for lifting her head at a non-booger angle. Andre calls Monique the weakest link, but Tyra says she had some fierce eye action happening in other frames. Brittani, predictably, is the star of the photo, even with a missing left leg. Not literally missing, though. Onto the blondes. Hannah, despite not being totally intertwined with the others, looks calm and intense in the face. This is a good thing. Nigel thinks Molly looks gorgeous, but warns her about her weak left eye. Kasia is the star of the photograph, and Tyra liked all of her film. Alexandria looks like she’s trying to get into the photo on the end, but Tyra is a fan of the hunched back. In other news, Andre breaks out the “dreckitude” for Alexandria’s panel ensemble.
Call-out Order: Brittani, Kasia, Molly, Jaclyn, Hannah and Alexandria (who is asked to remove her tassel belt and grey bonnet). Despite the brunettes winning best overall photo, Mikaela and Monique are the bottom two.
The L.A. Story Ends For: Monique. Tyra says she sailed the middle and pats her encouragingly on the rear end. Monique gives a few one-armed hugs and leaves shocked and disappointed.