After months of waiting, we finally got to meet Dallas' six most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes — and, we have to say, their way-hilar quotes helped say even more about them than their cowboy boots and jumbo-sized cans of hairspray! Here are our top 10 picks from Most Eligible Dallas Season 1, Episode 1.

10. Drew: "I'm not your stereotypical gay man. Gasoline runs in my veins."
Sorry, did you say "gasoline", or "weird female hormone that you inject into your stomach"?

9. Tara: "There's no question where I'm from. I go to Europe, forget it — they're like, 'Who shot JR?!'"
C'mon, Tara — TNT is re-booting Dallas so, like, no spoilers, please!

8. Glenn: "I feel like I'm just like a natural born poser."
Did he say "poser", or "poseur"?

7. Courtney: "It's kind of like...incestual to some degree."
Oh, Courtney — don't use big words that you don't understand (or know how to pronounce).

6. Drew: "People look at me and go, 'How the f**k are you gay — you sell cars!' I don't know, I've broken the motherf**king mold all my life."
Until this episode, we didn't know that heterosexual intercourse was a pre-requisite for selling cars.

5. Glenn: "What's wrong with me? I can't watch Family Feud without getting turned on."
Survey says: kind of creepy.  

4. Tara: "There is literally nothing I wouldn't do to save an animal. I have done some crazy things. I have broken into houses that, on the floor there's broken crack pipes everywhere, there's people laying on the floor that are passed out on drugs. I don't know what their issue is, that's not my issue. I save dogs, I don't save people."
There are crack pipes all over the floor, and you're still not sure what their issue is?

3. Courtney: "So have you been, like, a single mom since the very beginning, or have there ever been two people involved?"
No, brainiac, it was an immaculate conception.

2. Matt: "I try not to do 1-on-1 because it's just not valuable time spent, you know? Why do 1-on-1 when you can do 1-on-3? Why do 1-on-3 when you can do 1-on-5? Why do 1-on-5 when you can grab one buddy and do 2-on-15?"  
Matt's philosophy sounds less like friendship and more like bonus footage for a Girls Gone Wild video.

1. Drew: "Here's the funniest part: I can take a pregnancy test while I'm on it, and it says I'm pregnant."
It's more "laughing at you" than "laughing with you" funny, though.