Credit: ABC Photo: Rayna and Deacon Sing Together

Well. Um. Just, well. That’s as far as we’ve gotten after the manic hour that was Nashville Season 1 Episode 20, “A Picture From Life’s Other Side.” And while our recap is currently coming out more as a series of expletives, with some pointing and guttural sounds thrown in for good measure, we’ll do our best to rehash what happened a little more eloquently.

But what really matters at the end of the hour is that a couple big things happened that we would’ve expected in the finale. Meaning, to top this episode, the final episode of Season 1 is going to have to be FREAKING NUTS.

Let’s just check in on our favorite geometric shape: the love triangle! Here goes.

Credit: video still

Juliette and Jolene Barnes, Dante Crazy/Beautiful
Juliette (Hayden Panettiere) found out last episode that there was a sex tape of her on the loose when Dante (Jay Hernandez) called her and was all “Hey, it’s Crazy/Beautiful and remember that one time? Well, pay me.” And although she tried to shell out some cash to him, to the tune of two millz (which is, like, what she saves on nail polish by stealing it), he was all tripped out and tried to get more.

Rather than pay him the ten million he was asking for, Juliette decided to go on The View and reveal to the world that this thing existed. You know, cuz she figured that if the CMA votes were already counted, she was untouchable. Except that her mom started using drugs again, on account of Juliette is a dick when she’s, uh, awake. So, Jolene snorts some Oxy and then gets the great idea to call Dante, tell him she’s gonna pay him, and lures him over to the house. And because Dante has never been all that bright, he goes.

While Juliette is out, getting ready for TV, Jolene and Dante talk at Jules’ house. Except that by talk, we mean she pulls out a gun she got from her dealer, and shoots him square in the chest. Then, she calls Jules to tell her not to confess her sex romp to Whoopi, drops the SD card down the garbage disposal, and overdoses. So, uh, there’s some more drugs available now in Nashville.

 

Credit: ABC

Scarlett, Gunnar, and Will / Avery
Scarlett (Clare Bowen) and Gunnar (Sam Palladio) are pissing us off. Okay, more specifically, Gunnar. Gunnar is being a total dick. He starts by offending our senses in failing to was his hair, and then he stops wearing that shearling jacket we’ve grown so fond of and trades it in for a leather jacket.

Um, did we mention that he also goes on a radio show to talk to a porny voiced DJ about “his songs” (aka the ones he stole from DeadBro) and she’s like “OMG YOUR SONG IS GR8!” And he’s like “It just kinda came to me. I do what I want.” And instead of telling her that he’s whipped by his true love, and he likes it, he says, “Let’s just say I do what I want in my love life, too.” Except, you know, it’s on the radio, and Scarlett hears.

Then, when he’s supposed to show up for her at the debut where Rayna introduces her to the world at the Opry (you know, NBD, it’s just the GRAND OLE OPRY!), he is busy stealing other peoples’ songs at a bar and then Will shows up and is like “Dude.” And Gunnar finally stops being a homophobe, but then gets in a fight with some guy who’s all “you didn’t go to prison, prettyboy.” So, instead of sitting in the front row for Scarlett, he’s in jail with Will. Oops. But luckily (and we never thought we’d say this), Avery is there for her.

In fact, Avery is there for Juliette, too. Which means that on a scale of Teddy to Crazy/Beautiful, Avery’s only at like a 3 star douche. Improvement!

Rayna, Deacon, and Teddy
Rayna (Connie Britton) is a flawless creature whose only mistake is named Teddy (Eric Close). Ugh, that guy. He sees her with Deacon (Charles Esten) and his girls at the house, and serves Ray-Ray with a restraining order, stating that she can’t have Maddie and Daphne within 100 yards of Deax. Rayna tells her dad, who is a little senile and may lose his Board seat to his other daughter (but we’ll get to that... maybe).

The judge rules that Teddy is a dick, and says that they’ll have to duke it out a couple weeks later. Like, maybe on May 22, for the finale.

Deacon is basically perfect. Rayna is pretty. That’s all we really care about. Oh, and she may or may not sign Will to her label, Highway 65 Records, since he crashed auditions and was great at singing. You go, Glen Coco. And even though he was good, we’re not sure we’ll ever forgive Will for showing up and saying to the Queen of Country, “What you haven’t seen is somebody who can actually rope a steer.” You watch your mouth, OC.

OHHHHHHHHHHH yeah. Before we forget, Rayna’s demon child Maddie continues her nasty habit of eavesdropping on adults. Where’s Miss Trunchbull from Madeline when you need her, amiright? Anyhoo, she hears Rayna tell Deacon she loves him on the phone and then later in the episode, finds a paternity test, because, as we mentioned, she can’t mind her own business. (Or, okay, in this case, she gets a pass. Genetics, and all...)

So, the finale will have to cover: Maddie’s pa, Deacon; what’s going to happen with Juliette; and, you know, that pesky explosion we’ve heard so much about, among other things. What’s your biggest question? Tell.

 

Credit: YouTube Photo: Nashville Promo: Season 1 Finale "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive"