Credit: Katherine Bomboy-Thornton/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney Photo: Teddy and Rayna at the Talent Show in Nashville Season 1, Episode 3: “Someday You’ll Call My Name”

Grab a whisk and show off a little sideboob! In Nashville Season 1, Episode 3, “Someday You’ll Call My Name,” we learn that Deacon (Charles Esten) looks as amazing without his shirt as we thought he would. We also learn that... we, uh... we learn... Sorry, what were we saying? Something about Deacon being shirtless? (Yes, his torso is that distracting. We’ll try to proceed.)

Check, Mate

The episode begins with Juliette’s (Hayden Panettiere) photoshoot. The singer’s manager informs her that her estranged mother randomly showed up looking for her daughter’s information until someone gave her a hundred dollars. This upsets Juliette, since her mom is an addict, as does the fact that Deacon still hasn’t agreed to tour with her. We’re just glad that her mom didn’t somehow get her number, or Juliette would have had to throw away yet another phone.

Over at Rayna’s (Connie Britton), we discover that her husband, Teddy (Eric Close), apparently refers to horseshoes as “little U’s.” Sounds like a real man’s man. Rayna and Teddy later meet up with their financial advisor and Rayna’s manager to discuss their financial situation; the two men tell Rayna and Teddy, “Everything’s fantastic!” Just kidding. Come to think of it, we’re not sure these two guys have ever used the word “fantastic” before. (Read: They’re not exactly a barrel of laughs.)

Instead, the two money men tell Rayna and Teddy that they, well, need to stop spending money. Sounds like a cinch. The two men suggest taking out a loan against the house, which Teddy thinks will send a bad message to voters. (Chin up, Teddy — not all politicians have Romney money). But the only other options are for Rayna to tour with Juliette (no) or borrow from Rayna’s dad, Lamar (Powers Boothe) (double no). 

And our favorite part about this scene? The fact that the two money men both have goatees. On this show, being clean shaven means you’re professional, having a little scruff means you’re a bad boy — hello, Avery (Jonathan Jackson)! — and as for a goatee? Well, that apparently means you’re a stick in the mud. (No offense, fellas.)

Later, Rayna’s manager (aka,. Goatee Number One) meets with Deacon and Rayna to go over the tour, reminding them that it’ll mean a lot of time on the road away from home. Gulp. Deacon then tells Rayna that they should keep things stripped down and intimate (no, not that definition of “stripped down and intimate,” you perv!), but Rayna is nervous about things getting too touchy-feely between the two and would rather just play the big hits.

Back at home, Rayna is helping her daughters choose their talent show outfits, preferably sans sideboob. Rayna then gets a check from her dad, and this isn’t like how you’re grandma sends you a two-dollar bill in the mail for your birthday. No, this is two dollars plus $1,499,998 more. The only stipulation is that there are about 50 different stipulations. This includes limits on when she can tour and on how many albums she can release.

Get the Pause Button Ready: Deacon Is Shirtless!

Juliette finally convinces Deacon to drop by and record “Undermine” for her album, and their rendition is extremely touching. And speaking of “touching,” Juliette has better ideas about things they can do involving the words “under” and “mine.” Suddenly, it’s later that night, and the two are in bed, minus their clothes. (And who says math isn’t fun?)

We’re not sure how Juliette could possibly come up with a complaint at a moment when she’s lying next to a naked Deacon, but somehow she does. She asks him why he pulled Rayna onstage with him last week at the Bluebird. Juliette tries for the 1,728th time to convince him to tour with her. (Take a hint, girl!) Then again, this time she appears to have finally won him over.

Rayna and Teddy attend their daughters’ talent show, where the two girls perform “Telescope” by Juliette (ouch!). And we have to admit that these two girls can freakin’ sing! The harmonies were totally impressive, and it was so adorable to see little Maddie stomping her boot to the beat. Where’s Watty with his record offer for these two?

The talent show puts everyone in a good mood. Teddy and Rayna even hold hands, and we’re thinking they hold hands about as often as most change the batteries in their smoke detectors (so, roughly once every five years). 

Who Doesn’t Want to Think About Their Parents Sleeping Around?

But the mood changes after the show, when Rayna’s sister, Tandy, admits to Rayna that their late mother had a bit of a Bridges of Madison County thing going on. In other words, Mama Jaymes had a 10-year affair with a singer-songwriter that lasted until her death. (Get it, girl!) Tandy hypothesizes that this affair — although it helped their parents marriage survive — is what makes their father resent Rayna’s music career. 

Rayna then goes to her dad’s office and tells him she knows about her mom’s affair. She says she wishes that she had known earlier, as she tells her dad that he was absent and angry after her death. Lamar then tells Rayna that she inherited her mother’s inability to put her family first, which is such a sweet thing to say to your daughter that we’re surprised Hallmark doesn’t make a card.

Rayna understandably tells her dad that she’ll never accept a cent from him. And as she storms out, we get a glimpse at Lamar’s office, and we see that he has a full-body portrait of himself on the wall, which suddenly makes us want to commission someone to paint a life-size portrait of us to hang on our wall. 

Rayna Got Her Dose of Mama Drama, So Now It’s Juliette’s Turn Again

As Juliette and Deacon get their beauty rest the next morning, Juliette gets word that her mother is at her gate. Jolene tells Juliette that she’s off drugs and that her boyfriend stole her money. However, Juliette is convinced her mom is still using, so she makes the painful decision to not let her mother inside her front gate. (Isn’t it hard to decide who can and can’t enter the front gate of your driveway?)

Deacon quickly leaves Juliette’s place and returns Rayna’s call, who wants to meet up. The two then have an emotional discussion, in which Deacon tells her that he needs to admit that things are over between them, and Rayna realizes she needs to let Deacon live his life. And we’re like, “Noooo!” And then we may or may not have pouted, but that’s just between the two of us.

Teddy meets with Billy at the bank (so many names ending in “y”!), who informs Teddy that he can take out a loan, but only if he agrees to an audit going all the way back to 2008 (aka the not-so-good days for Teddy). It’s safe to say that Teddy isn’t crazy about the idea of an audit, judging by that campfire that Teddy made last week entirely out of documents.

Juliette finds out from her manager that her mother was arrested for theft and drug possession; that means Jolene is bunking at Juliette’s place. And if that wasn’t enough bad news for one day, Deacon tells Juliette that he can’t go on the tour with her. When it rains, it pours (or should we say, when it “Raynas”.)

Finally, Juliette heads to the supermarket, and three young fans notice her at the end of the aisle and start taping her with a cellphone. Bad timing alert: They happen to catch Juliette as she pockets a bottle of nail polish. Something tells us that someone with a gate at their driveway can afford grocery store nail polish.

Some People Use Shampoo Bottles, But Scarlett Uses a Whisk

Scarlett (Clare Bowen) and Gunnar (Sam Palladio) meet Watty in the recording studio to record their demos, but Scarlett is “shaking like a leaf,” to use her vernacular. (The girl is freaking, to use our vernacular.) She screws up so many times that Watty suggests to Gunnar that they bring in a new girl to sing the part, since the main goal is just for them to sell the song.

Scarlett doesn’t tell Avery (Jonathan Jackson) this news, but Gunnar spills the beans. We then see Avery grab a whisk and help Scarlett learn to sing even when people are watching. Avery then tells her to “do it for me.” As for us, all we’re really hoping is that someone washed that whisk before they put it back in the drawer.

The next time they’re at the studio, Gunnar and Scarlett are singing the song beautifully as Avery watches proudly next to Watty. So maybe Avery is a pretty decent guy after all, eh? Uh, not so fast. He then introduces himself to Watty, which tells us that he’s probably just using Scarlett to advance his own career. We knew that scruffy facial hair of his meant trouble!

So it was another awesome episode, with Rayna and Deacon getting even closer. This episode also solidifies how much we love Gunnar and Scarlett together, even though he may wear just a few too many floral shirts for our tastes. And we’re really feeling for Juliette and are impressed at how well-rounded this show is making her.

Now we can’t wait until next week to find out the repercussions of the shoplifting incident. In the meantime, we’ll be busy posing for our life-size portrait. (Come to think of it, we should probably rent a horse, since we all know that the best portraits are of people on horses.)

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Credit: YouTube Photo: Nashville Music: Scarlett and Gunnar “Fade Into You” in Episode 3